Convincing October

Best I Ever Had

So, I feel that I should make this clear in the case that I've confused anyone; October never slept with Ian while knowing he was married, but she feels the guilt from knowing he was married at all. The last time they were together was when Opal was conceived and when she found out. I've gone back and changed chapter three, She Gets What I Deserve to fit that. Hopefully that isn't too confusing.

October

In the end, it had been easier to walk away from him and not look back; if I did I would've run to him instead of away. Even as my heart grew heavier with each step, I knew condemning a man like Sterling to a life with a woman like me was the one thing I couldn't live with. I stared unseeing at the television only making out basic shapes, the words simply molding together with no meaning.

"So this is your grand plan?" the voice I heard was wry and closer than I expected, causing my bowl of cocoa pebbles to slosh over on to the clean fabric of the borrowed t-shirt I wore. Grumbling lowly I ignored the voice, set on making it through another episode of Sons of Anarchy before I had to get up and stretch my legs. I didn't bother wiping off the small chocolate crunchy pieces, just continued to spoon the cereal into my mouth. I knew what he must see while standing there, the mess I had become in a matter of days after the fiasco at the chili cook off. Messy white hair up in a careless bun, face slightly oily and reddened, clothes dirty and hanging limply off my bulging body.My heart ached even thinking about all of it. My legs began to tingle under me, I knew it was from sitting in the same position too long, but I didn't bother to move.

"Go away." I hissed as he stepped in front of me, obstructing my view of the TV. I didn't want to be bothered; it was the reason I was screening calls and ignoring the knocks on my front door. I was satisfied to mope and hide out until I absolutely had to return to my normal schedule. No one had managed to reach out to me; the Young boys had resorted to calling Arizona and Rhett, who in turn decided to involve my parents and other siblings -- everyone was on their side and no one bothered to even ask why I was so set in my decision. No, Mama urged me to speak with the 'fine young man' and daddy had backed whatever my mother's decree was. Arizona and Rhett were no help, simply pushing me to talk it out with Sterling because they had seen first hand - once they returned from their paradise cruise - how happy Sterling made me.

"No, get up and get dressed." It was a stiff command coming out of his mouth, one that sounded foreign flying from youthful lips. I didn't bother to retort, he knew my answer. I wasn't getting up no matter how much he tried to convince me. I was fine with being here, all on my own. Wasn't I?

"So you're going to sit here and bury your head in the sand like a coward? You're the one who ran off, October." His words struck a nerve deep down but I didn't show how badly they hurt me. I was a coward? For not wanting to hurt Sterling? I didn't see it that way. I was saving him! He was a good man, one of the best I'd met in a long time. He deserved more than I could ever wish to give him. I wasn't going to allow him to settle for someone like me. I had hoped outing myself to the truth would push him away, let him see what kind of woman I really was but it seemed he didn't quite get the picture. Sterling had called me twice a day since the night I'd walked away from him, leaving me a voicemail each time. The first had been simple, asking me to call him back so we could talk. The few after that had been similar but with an edge of desperation -- the last, well, it had nearly broken my heart.

"Sweetheart, please... please don't walk away before we have a chance in the first place. I know you've got this idea that you're not good enough, that you're undeserving, but you're so wrong. We all make mistakes, October. We're human, entitled to them by nature. Let me show you what you deserve, what kind of love a woman like you is worthy of... Please."