Convincing October

We Danced

October

Two and half months later I found myself standing outside of the small store in town, arms wrapped around a paper sack of groceries I needed for tonight's dinner, sweating bullets as I listened to Mrs. Hall lecture me on the selfishness of my actions. No doubt being watched by each of the people I'd passed as I'd exited the store in order to avoid the Sunday night rush.

"For you to bring a child in this world with no father around, October Dixon, is the cruelest thing you could do." She kept looking at me down her large nose, nostrils flaring angrily as she wagged her crooked pointer finger at me, spittle slipping from her mouth onto my heated skin. The way she loomed over me, her shoulders hunched body tilted in my direction, hair freely flying -- it reminded me of a monster I'd read about in a book somewhere, only she wasn't going to turn me to stone, she'd just come to throw them. To say I was mortified was an understatement. I'd yet to encounter anyone who'd openly voiced their opinion on my pregnancy, in all honesty, for the most part the people in this town didn't particularly care that I was pregnant, simply whether or not I was going to bring an item to the chili cook off happening the following weekend. Today, however, seemed to be the exception.

Mrs. Hall came in to the cafe once a month to have dinner with her children the last Saturday of the month, so it had been quite a while since I'd had to endure her company. I'd been so close to freedom when she'd caught me, her eyes lit with fire.

"Young lady, God doesn't take kindly to whores raising bastards!" She hissed, her words striking me in the chest painfully. What kind of vile woman was she that she would condemn an unborn child? I could feel hysteria building in my chest, threatening to bubble over; I had the urge to lash out and I wasn't certain if it was verbally or physically. The contempt I felt was nearly tangible, mingling with the thick summer heat to create a dangerous atmosphere. I took a nervous step back, the heal of my fashion flats connecting harshly with a rough spot in the concrete. How was it that no one was coming to help me? I wondered, hurt brewing in my chest with the wicked thought. Hadn't I proved to be someone they wanted around? I had regulars that came to see me, people who crooned over sonograms with me, cooed over the name I'd chosen for my child. Where were they now when I truly needed them? Tears began to fill my eyes as I stared at Mrs. Hall despite the fact that I fought them with all my might. I didn't want to show her how her words affected me because she didn't deserve to know the power they had over me.

"Mrs. Hall, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from October." A deep voice ordered and I was filled with a sense of relief. I can hear the shuffling of feet on the gravel parkway behind me, a noise i'd been deaf to before hand. The grocery store wasn't far from the cafe something I'm desperately grateful for at the moment because I wasn't sure how much longer I would've been able to stand there and have her spew her hate at me for having my child. I knew I wasn't perfect, and I was well aware of the fact that I had done plenty of wrong with the father of my little girl, but that didn't mean that I was a whore... did it?

Blindly I allow myself to be led to my vehicle, don't argue when a large pair of hands take my groceries and the keys, I barely acknowledge that I'm herded into the truck and buckled -- all I can hear are those words, her hate.

"October?" I could hear the concern in his voice but I pushed it off, I needed a few minutes. Breathlessly, I placed my hands on my belly, feeling for her movements I was sure would come. I felt like sometimes she knew I needed her and maybe it was weak of me need strength from my daughter, but half of the time she was the thing that kept me sane anymore. Her foot collided with my side and while it was a sensation I had yet to get used to I was grateful to feel it, burrowing the feeling of inadequacy as a mother down deep and holding on to the fact that I loved my baby and I'd do anything for her. I couldn't wait for her to be in my arms for the first time, to cuddle her and whisper my love into her skin. I was more than ready to meet my little miracle.