Married Into The Mafia *Undergoing Re-editing*

Know Your Place

--Eloise--

I didn't want to come out of this room ever again. I didn't want to show myself to anyone outside. I felt ruined. I felt like it would show on my face. That King had ruined me. 

After he had left, I threw up over the toilet bowl. I gagged as I rinsed out my mouth, and sobbed as I washed his touch off of me. Shame turned my skin scarlet as I felt the heat of my slick still left between my thighs. 

I can't believe it. I had actually done something so putrid with that man! I had actually used him to make myself come! How could I do such a thing?! My body crouched into a ball as the shower above me beat against my back. Cries mewled from my lips as I replayed the night again and again. It wouldn't leave. It was all I could think about. 

I wanted to die. I wanted to just drown myself in this shower and just let this end already. My arms wrapped around my body as I crouched down on the tiled floor. The water pelted above me as I snivelled in misery. 

How could I be so pathetic? How could I let him humiliate me like that? How could I have gotten off on it?! My fingernails dug into my skin as I shuddered, regardless of the steam enveloping me. 

It felt like no matter how hard I scrubbed myself, I couldn't rid my consciousness of this dirty feeling. My throat bobbed, remembering how his cock had slotted itself into it and I was overcome with the urge to vomit once again. Nothing came, however, even if I tried to force it. I had already emptied the contents of my stomach. Bile was all that was left. 

I'll never forgive myself. I'll never forgive myself for submitting like that. Why? Why had I done that?! Why was I so wretched?! 

Another pained whine came from my mouth and echoed off the walls of the bathroom. My tears blended into the rain of water pouring over me. The heat was getting to my head. 

I snuck back into my own room after that. Thankfully, I hadn't run into anyone that was wandering about the house. Once inside, I cried and pitied and loathed myself some more underneath my cover. An itch, an aggravation continuously prickled my skin. I felt irritated by it, wanting to pick it off, frustrated by the way it had flushed with delight under King's touch. 

I hate it. I hate it so much. I never wanted to come out of this room again. I never wanted to face anything else. Never. Never.

The maid that tended to me let me skip out on joining the Clemote family relatives for breakfast the next morning and instead brought a small tray of food to my room. I didn't touch it. Hunger felt like a deserving punishment for how I had acted last night. 

But, soon, noon had approached and I was still not out of my bed. This time, the maid did not let me get away with it, no matter how much I resisted. 

They dressed me up in something modest and I was packaged over to King's relatives with a bow on top. I hated this. I didn't want to talk to them or even see them. I didn't want to keep up this fucking facade after what I had to go through last night. Why? Why was I made to do this?! For King's sake?! After what he did to me last night?!

It irritated me to no end to be controlled like this. Now that my pride and dignity were on the line, I couldn't stand it anymore. 

"Oh, there she is. How polite of you to show up for lunch at least, dear." My first greeting was one of condescension. One of King's aunts. I hadn't bothered to remember her name as it wouldn't have mattered whether that was disrespectful or not. These people had already made up their minds that they did not like me. Their speeches at the wedding said as much as I needed to know. Their stubbornness would not wane. So, why would I try to put effort into pleasing them? When I, too, didn't want any of this? "I was afraid that I would forget how you looked with how little I've seen of you since last night," she went on to jibe as I found an empty seat at the end of the table. It wasn't that big, only a few relatives had decided to stay here overnight. Still, too many for my liking.