||FINISHED|| Pink Roses (JSAB Fresh x Reader)

Worth Being Kind to **self harm**

This may be inexpertly written, even though I was once a victim of Depression and Self Harm myself, I still don't know exactly how to comfort someone who is going through the same thing as me, so forgive me if there are any mistakes. Though, don't worry about me, dear reader, I'm much better nowadays.

I started sweating.
"I-I um, well, one day I saw this really cute cat, and I-I-I- um... I went to pet-pet it, but then it scratched me-"

'A cat shouldn't give you this many scars in one single strike.' Fresh sternly but quietly said.

"W-Well, I went to see it the next day, and it did it again! Haha, I guess I never learn, do I? Cats-cats are just too cute, haha..."

'And it scratched your other arm as well?'

I can't breathe properly.

"Um, well..."

'Honey, I want you to show me your other wrist.'

I hesitated.

'Butterfly, please. I'm not gonna hurt you. You're safe.'

Those words lessened my heartbeat slightly. After a moment, I hesitantly stuck my other wrist out. He carefully examined it with a gentleness that you wouldn't expect from someone that looked like him. It seemed to calmed me a little bit.

But my hands are shaking.

I guess he must've realised this since he just pulled me into his embrace, and held me tight. It was warm. He felt like an anchor, like I'm safe here, and it calmed me down a little bit knowing that I'm safe and that nobody was going to hurt me. The sound of my heartbeat left my ears and I focused on my breathing.

In...

Out...

In...

Out...

"I know what self harm is, Sweetheart, please don't lie, I can help you through this..."

'Okay...'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'No...' I paused. 'Not now, at least...'

"Does Mordecai know?"

'N-No...'

He separated after making sure that I was calm enough, and ran his thumb over the most recent additions. They were pinkish, starting to heal themselves. I still remember it, It was a week ago, I made the cut in my own bathroom, razor blade in my other hand. I recently felt emptier than usual, and the fact that the things they called me started reverberating in my mind again didn't help at all. Why was it always me? Why was it always me that ended up being cast away, isolated and alone? Maybe they were right. Maybe I should just disappear. Maybe I should just kill myself. If whatever god is out there is treating me like this then maybe... Maybe they were right.

Maybe...

Maybe I am worthless.

That night I made sure that I wouldn't stop until I saw red against my skin and crimson flowing down the drain. Shortly thereafter, I realised what I had done. I immediately dropped the razor and broke down crying. The entire sink was filled with crimson blood - My blood - and it hurt.

"Why? Why doesn't he know?"

'He doesn't have to...'

"Well, you're right, he doesn't have to know, but you do realise that if he did, every time you... well, have those moments, he would be there for you, making sure that you feel better afterwards? Reassuring and making sure that you know that you're safe, you're beautiful and you're loved, because you are. Wouldn't that be nice? It'll be like a nice, hot bath after being out in the cold rain."