Teach me how to feel alive [Connor • DBH]

twenty

" in a kingdom of ash, she walks alone... but she can never look back "

✩

We walked into the large room, all one colour of dark grey, with a large red pool sitting in the middle of it. There was a wall that was completely windows, looking out at a perfect snowy wonderland. It was almost as if we were outside again, yet the warmth rushed through our skin and kept us cosy as we approached the edge of the pool.

"Mister Kamski?" Hank said, catching the attention of the man at the other end of the pool.

"Just a moment, please."

We moved over to the large window as Kamski finished one last lap of the pool, swimming back and forth, before eventually climbing out and greeting us. Tying his long hair back out of his face, he turned to us without a word. "I'm Lieutenant Anderson, this is Detective Adams and that's Connor," Hank introduced us, I offered the man a small smile as he seemed to take an interest in me; his eyes narrowing subtly, he seemed to inspect me for a moment before turning to Hank.

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

"Sir, we're investigating deviants," Hank began to explain. "I know you left Cyberlife years ago, but I was hoping you'd be able to tell us something we don't know."

Elijah didn't answer straight away, his eyes looked between me and Connor, while he seemed to think deeply for a moment. "Deviants," he began. "Fascinating, aren't they? Perfect beings with infinite intelligence, and now they have free will."

Hank and I shared a glance as he continued.

"Machines are so superior to us," he said, looking over to his Android for a moment. "Confrontation was inevitable. Humanity's greatest achievement threatens to be its downfall." He pauses, giving a short laugh. "Isn't it ironic?"

"We need to understand how androids become deviants," Connor spoke up, making Kamski's eyes switch over to him. "Do you know anything that could help us?"

Kamski shrugged. "All ideas are viruses that spread like epidemics," he answered, though it wasn't much of a straight answer. "Is the desire to be free a contagious disease?"

"Listen, sir, not to be rude or anything, but we were hoping you'd give us a more straightforward answer than that," I spoke up, my arms folded across my chest, and Kamski's eyes focused on me again. His lip twitched upwards, but I acted as though I didn't see it.

"The machines you created may be planning a revolution," Hank said. "Either you can tell us something that would be helpful, or we will be on our way."

Kamski ignored Hank's comment, instead, he moved his attention over to Connor. "What about you, Connor?" He asked, making Connor's head tilt to the side in confusion. Kamski took a step towards Connor. "Whose side are you on?" He asked.

Connor seemed to hesitate, unsure of how to reply to this question, but then he quickly searched his program and came up with a suitable answer. "I have no side," Connor answered, making Kamski smirk towards him. "I was designed to stop deviants and that's what I intend to do."

Kamski chuckled, his eyes falling for a moment before looking back at Connor. "Well, that's what you're programmed to say," he said, pushing the moment aside. "But you..." Kamski brought himself closer to Connor. "What do you really want?"

Connor narrowed his eyes towards the shorter man. "I'm sorry, but I don't see what you're getting at."

Kamski's eyes shifted over to me. I felt surprise at the sudden eye contact. "Could you come here, please?" He requested, despite the strangeness of the request, I took a step towards him and he positioned me in front of Connor; facing him directly. "I'm sure you're familiar with the Turing test," Kamski began, looking towards the two guys in front of me. "Mere formality. Simple question of algorithms and computing capacity," he said, pausing for a moment. "What interests me is whether machines are capable of empathy. I call it the 'Kamski Test' it's very simple — you'll see."

My eyes met Connor's as Kamski stood himself beside me, Connor seemed to be confused as to what was going on, but I had a feeling I knew where Kamski was going with this.

Kamski placed a hand on my cheek, turning my head to face him, and I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest. "Magnificent, isn't it?" He said slowly, his rough fingers brushing against my skin, and I could just tell my face was begging him not to tell them. I wasn't ready for them to know. I didn't know how they would react. Kamski's brows raised towards me. "Oh, do they not know?" He said in a whisper, though it didn't hide anything.

My eyes reluctantly found the two, Hank still seemed confused, but Connor's LED was flashing an alarming red colour. He was piecing it together.

"Do you want to tell them, or shall I?"

I stayed silent, tearing my eyes away from the two, Kamski gave a short chuckle and shook his head. "Never mind. They'll find out sooner or later, how long were you really hoping to hide it from them?" He asked me, though I didn't answer, the dangerous glare I was sending him said it all. "One of the first intelligent models designed by Cyberlife... and one of the very first to turn deviant. We didn't know enough about deviants to worry about it, so we just ruled it off as an isolated incident. Assumed you were dead."

"Well, you assumed wrong," I hissed, my jaw clenched, when Connor's voice made my anger falter.

"Tess?" My eyes snapped to meet his. "You're...?"

I pursed my lips, knowing I couldn't deny it any longer now that Kamski had said it right in front of them. I nodded my head. "I am a deviant." I felt my eyes fill with salty tears, as if admitting it was something that was difficult for me, but I had known ever since I killed that man. I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Connor seemed completely taken aback by what I had just said. He clearly didn't want to believe it, but he had no other choice.

"But what is it, really?" Kamski began to speak again. "A piece of plastic imitating a human? Or a living being with a soul?" He turned to his desk behind him, pulling open the drawer, my breath immediately caught in my throat when he pulled out a gun. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he pushed me to the ground until I was on my knees.

He then moved over to Connor and put the gun into his hands.

"It's up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor."