Tales of the Unspoken

Perpetuity

The dance practice room was filled with people and exhaustion but it was also filled with joy. Note after beat, number after pop, the walls bled with trepidation. Minds worked fats to memorize and repeat the new choreographies after a full day of nothing but dancing. All in all, the boys and the directors were satisfied so jokes and giggles could be heard here and there but the most pregnant sound was that of hard work. With full knowledge of the antics of a comeback and what it was demanded of them, BTS rehearsed one of the new songs and dances as they kept playing with two vintage microphone props, passing them from one member to the other. The beat was not new. J-Hope's "Airplane" could easily be heard within the music.

One could easily get lost in the organized chaos of the room...

"...3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8..." Hoseok kept repeating more to himself as Jimin looked through him, trying his best to keep up with whatever was happening before him. He pushed himself until his muscles ached but the pain was bearable. He was more worried about the fact that, after a while, he simply couldn't focus anymore. Once he took in the choreography, he annoyingly started zoning in and out.

He partially paid attention to Hoseok but the dance was not complicated enough to strain his brain enough. He unwillingly drifted to other thoughts but none of them were precise enough to focus on either. Frustratingly, he kept identifying Yoongi's voice within the ruckus of the room, although the boy never raised his tone. Jimin's eyes kept darting briefly in his direction. He wished Yoongi would see him and possibly try to get him out of his state. It was a childish thought to think that the older boy could somehow sense whatever Jimin couldn't put into words and that he would act upon it. The idea of telepathy was childish. He brushed it off. He had more chances for Taehyung to realize something was amiss and that was just because his friend knew him like the back of his hand. No, nothing was out of order. Everything seemed disturbingly ordinary.

Jimin looked at Yoongi again as the boy mustered all the power he had left to show Namjoon where he messed up his moves at their last rehearsal. He didn't even glance back at him. He and Jimin exchanged fewer texts in the past days but one of the reasons was the fact that they saw each other a lot and when they didn't they were too busy or too exhausted. The album's release date was rapidly approaching. There was no time for all the things which remained undiscussed between them.

It felt weird. Jimin couldn't be brave enough to deny the invisible tension but nobody else caught on to it. He was sure that whatever he was living was passing by the eyes of the others and that, in itself, felt like a tremendous tragedy. He had that very particular feeling that no matter how many people were around him, none could actually see him, that feeling of being alone in a crowd. He knew he had to extend his hand and reach out but how could he? Explaining his situation was impossible. He couldn't even start. He didn't know how to start. He had the strong impression that the timeline of events was a very complicated thing to explain, not to mention his feelings regarding it. He wondered if he would have made more sense out of everything if he talked about it. Perhaps if he laid out the story, even in fragments, he could identify patterns, links, conclusions. It wasn't an easy conversation. Who could he turn to when he refused to have it even with himself?

He glanced at Tae and saw him watching one of their recordings of the dance practice as Jungkook hugged his back, placing his chin on the elder's shoulder and commenting loudly in his ear although he was talking to Hobi. Tae kept giggling at Jungkook's jokes and their closeness wouldn't have been unusual even if they weren't dating. It was normal to see them together and the same couldn't have been said about Suga and him. It was completely unimaginable and intangible so why was Jimin picturing how they would look together on the dance floor in Tae and JK's spot? It was ridiculous. How could he explain that they could have behaved similarly when it wasn't even the truth? Suga wouldn't have hugged him like that.