Who We Were | Book One

23. A Fragile World

Something seemed off about the days that followed. There was a sense of uncertainty that I couldn't place, and I couldn't understand why. It was Jo's words which had caught me off guard and while I wanted to feel safe in Dawn Hill, I couldn't anymore.

"You seem to have settled in well," Jo smiled, holding out her tray in front of me. The expression on her face was wrong. She wasn't smiling, her eyes were speaking something different.

I froze as I held the spoon in mid-air. Maggie was still busy serving, paying no attention to our interaction.

"I need to talk to you," I told her, spooning rice onto her tray, almost one grain at a time.

"Look at your hands!" She exclaimed, grabbing my arm and inspecting my wrinkled fingers. "Now I know she's had you cleaning all day!" Her pupils were wide and frantic as she turned my hand over and tucked a slip of paper into my palm. I froze for a moment before I slid it into my back pocket without a second thought. "You know, I'm going to talk to Liz about a supply run... I'm sure there's a supermarket nearby we haven't cleared yet. It's got to have something better than rice," she added as she moved along the line.

I looked to the fire pit where Jack bounced along and perched himself on the log beside Josh and Apollo. They were smiling, and Josh's face lit up with a grin that children wear when they have something mischievous planned. Even in the daylight, the fire flickered over his face creating dancing spots across his skin.

A man stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the pit and as I leant around him, so did he. I averted my eyes from the boys on the log, and they landed on Zach.

"Em?" He questioned, straightening up.

"Yeah?" I replied, a question in return.

"Don't make it too obvious." He gestured his head towards Josh who was still deep in conversation.

I furrowed my brows into the rice pan. "I don't know what you mean?"

"Attachments like that will get you killed," he uttered in a low breath.

I shook my head. "It's not like that."

He scoffed, amused. "I've been looking at Liz like that since I met her," he leant in closer, "trust me. I know."

I paused, feeling my face flush thick with warmth. "Why are you not together?"

"It's for the better," he sighed.

"The better?"

"It's a fragile world, Em," he explained, "people can be taken from you at any moment. It's harder to carry on surviving when your reason for living is gone."

"Right," I replied, my voice barely a whisper.

"You kill a man once and he's gone forever... You kill what he loves, however, and he dies every single day." He coughed, announcing his departure. "You take care of yourself, Em," he said, his eyes darting to my back pocket before moving down the line.

"You too," I mumbled, feeling the panic burn like shots of electricity to my abdomen. I noticed Josh glance over in my direction. His brows furrowed, and concern washed his face as he clocked the puzzled expression I wore on my own.

"Are you okay?" He mouthed in my direction.

Everything started to feel smaller, more crowded like I was shrinking into myself. There was a weight against my chest, pushing the air from my lungs. I tried to shake my head, but I felt so distant that I was sure no part of my body moved in response. I pushed my way from behind the table and out of the tent. The cool air hit me like a slap in the face and I dropped to the floor where nobody could see.