Who We Were | Book One

43. This Is It

Soon enough, darkness fell.

They gathered around the oak tree where I had once found comfort. It seemed unfamiliar now. Its branches hung slightly lower; its roots buried by the mounds of soil which protruded from the surface.

I stood at the edge of the crowd. It didn't feel right to be there, I hardly knew these people and yet within such a short space of time I'd caused them so much grief. We'd caused them so much grief. It was Ben as well and I knew he felt it too. These people would still be alive if we hadn't turned up. My eyes wandered the crowd. Small tea lights had been placed on top of and alongside each of the earthy mounds, creating orbs of brilliant gold in the darkness. In front of the graves, people held them lit in their hands, cradling them like precious gemstones.

Someone shuffled themselves amongst the crowd to stand close beside me, our arms just barely touching. To my left stood the person I would recognise anywhere, even against the still darkness of the night. His dark hair was covered with a black beanie and a hoodie now concealed the plaid shirt he had been wearing earlier. I faced back towards the oak tree where Will now stood, facing the crowd. He rubbed his chin with his hand as he chose his words.

"There are no easy ways to explain what happened here today," he began, his voice steady and comforting. "We experienced an attack from a certain group that displays the horrors of what people are truly capable of."

I felt Ben shift his weight beside me as Will continued.

"Carnelian showed its true strength today. We came through stronger and that is something that they can never take from us." Several sniffles rippled their way through the crowd as fingers brushed away escaped tears. "And there are definitely no words to explain the pain and the loss that we all feel," he paused, inhaling quietly in the darkness.

"The six people we stand in front of here all died for something; protecting this community, protecting their families and their friends and that is something that will never be forgotten... Not tomorrow and not until the end of all this." Ben choked beside me, the sensitive nerve that I'd opened had been touched again like an open wound. "Zoe, Jake, Andrew, James, Louis and Leah," Will listed as Ben's body shuddered. "Let us not forget these names," he continued, "let us instead remember the happiness they brought to this town and the people they saved."

Will bowed his head, his chest rising shakily. "I invite any of you to come forward to say any words."

The crowd parted and a little girl stepped forward into the candlelight, a note gripped in her small, fragile hands. She was bundled in a large coat that was at least three sizes too big for her and a woman had her hand placed against her back, showing considerably more emotion than the girl in front of her. The girl stepped forwards towards the mound in the centre and placed the crinkled note against the dirt. Beside the soft glow, the scribbles were just visible.

To the best mummy ever

Love you lots

From Sophia xxxxx

My body stiffened parallel with Ben's. The girl, Sophia, began speaking but I couldn't hear her. The world along with all its sounds had turned to a blur. I could feel the muscles in my chin trembling as salty drops trickled down, my body feeling nothing but emptiness. My stomach lurched for the girl who was now placing a small flower on the crest of the mound.

I looked to Ben, his hands were clenched into tight fists as if it was not sadness that had overcome him, but instead, anger. His dark lashes grew heavy with tears that reflected the light of the candles as he fought against the grief. I exhaled and closed my eyes, releasing the drops that hung from my lashes. No words came from my lips as my breathing fought against the sobs.