The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

XVIII

TW-BLOOD (Later in the chapter, but please be aware)

Expect nothing. It is a lesson I think everyone should learn. Expectations are what lead us to disappointment, and break our hearts. It is what causes the downfall of so many in this world. But if we never expect anything, we are never let down. It is a survival tactic like everything else I do in this world. But it seemed the world had taken that rule literally, throwing something so incredibly unexpected at me, that it destroyed any no-expectation I may have had. I had expected this car ride to be solem, if not completely silent. Expecting that was my first mistake.

It was an hour after we had left the church. Me and Brayden had stayed there for half an hour longer, in sweet silence. We had come to a non verbal agreement that whatever needed to be said, could wait for a while. It was the best we could do for now. The best we could do to make it through the day without losing our minds. Once we had gone back to the church, I had choked down a dry muffin and a glass of orange juice at the request of Tyler, who seemed upset about something I couldn't place. Logan had sat with me, and tried to make me laugh to no avail. I felt like I was floating again. Drifting around only half aware of my surroundings. It was a painfully familiar feeling that I so often suffered from. It didn't feel like a ghost, but more like a shadow looking for light to be seen. There was no light. There never was.

After that, we left the church, and dragged ourselves back into the car. I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically exhausted. I wanted to curl into a ball of sadness and hide forever. And that's exactly what I expected to do when we got back to the hotel. Another mistake. I should have known something was wrong when Tyler got into the car with a clenched jaw, and shielded eyes. He was angry, and from the glances he kept giving me in the rear view mirror, I could assume it was at me. I ran over every interaction me and Tyler had shared today, and as far as I knew, I had done nothing to make him angry with me.

Or at least, I didn't think I did. But, I would soon learn that what I did had not happened today, but long before I had even come back to Brinley. I saw him and Logan having a harshly whispered conversation, that I couldn't understand and when I looked at Finley, he seemed just as confused as I was. Finley had seemed distant since the start of the funeral. I imagine he was overwhelmed with everything that was happening. I couldn't blame him. This was overwhelming for me and I had known my mother.

I caught Logan looking at me through the rear view mirror, but his look was more of disappointment than anger. It made me queasy if I was honest. Disappointment was so much worse than anger. Disappointment was emotionally draining. It was a lasting feeling that clung to you like a ball and chain. "Isabelle, I need to talk to you when we get back to the hotel." Tyler said in a harsh tone. I felt the color drain from my face, as a lump secured itself in my throat. "W-why?" I asked shakily. Tyler sent an angry glance through the rear view mirror that told me to keep quiet for the time being.

I looked desperately at Logan but he just kept looking forward, eyes fixated on the road. I didn't know what I had done, but I did know whatever it was, would change everything. I could barely bring myself to climb out of the car when it came to a screeching halt in front of the hotel. My limbs felt weighted and stiff. Like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and after the day I had and what lay ahead, I wouldn't say that feeling was too far off. Tyler's face was stiff and angry as we walked up to the room, Logans was sad and filled with tiredness. We were all so tired. I could feel my stomach twisting itself into agonizing knots with every step closer. I couldn't help the panic rising in my chest.