Dissolving

Chapter 6 - Nervous

My impending surgery makes me more nervous than it probably should.

Sam has assured me several times in the past few days that I have nothing to worry about. Still, it hasn't done much to make me feel better. I don't even know if I can trust his opinion, to be honest. Firstly, he has never had to have anything similar done, so he doesn't know it from experience. And secondly, as I cannot get tired of pointing out, he is not a doctor.

So what does he even know?

Noah thinks that I am being unfair and that Sam is the closest to a doctor we have in our family. Even knowing that Noah is somewhat biased, seeing as he is very close to Sam and thinks the world of him, I consider this a pretty lame argument. I may not know all the details of my brothers' jobs, but as far I as am aware, Sam helps people after the doctors are done with them. I don't know why he thinks he can judge whether something is worrying or not. He only ever gets to meet the people that were lucky enough to survive whatever it is that they needed to get fixed.

I know that this might sound a bit dramatic, seeing as it only concerns my knee and I will most likely not die from it, but I cannot help feeling anxious about this surgery.

I would probably put a bit more trust in Jordan, if he were to tell me that I will be just fine. But although he has tried to reassure me a few times, too, I am still only partially convinced. I know he is trying, but Jordan still acts rather spooked whenever he is around me. It is very unlike him and that is the second thing that makes me nervous and worried.

He does not seem to take what happened to me very well and I wonder why that is.

Maybe it is just his new business that is keeping him on his toes and makes him act distracted and kind of stressed whenever he is here. That hasn't been very often in the last couple of days, either, which is strange in itself. But I can't tell for certain if he is completely staying away or if I just don't see him when he is here, since I am either stuck in my room or sprawled out on the sofa in the living room and therefore don't have the whole house under constant observation.

Also, Jordan's new studio apartment above the garage has a separate entrance, so there is no need for him go through the house when he comes home from work. He has been absent for the past three nights for dinner, too, and that is a novelty. Since his return home more than half a year ago, he has rarely missed our family dinners and if he did, he was either staying at Josh and Tom's or he pre-announced that he would be away somewhere. To my knowledge, he stayed away these last few days with no further explanation. But I am not part of the infamous "big brother chat group", so who knows what has been discussed on there.

"Earth to Lily? Are you even listening to me?" Gracie complains, nudging my shoulder.

"Sorry," I mutter and blink a few times to bring myself back to the present.

"Yeah, right. You were totally spacing off. Am I boring you?"

"No, no, not at all!" I protest.

"Right...where was I?" she muses.

I am not sure if she is speaking more to herself than asking me an actual question. But when she keeps looking at me expectantly, I assume it is the latter. 

"Umm...something about...school...?" I state unconvincingly.

Gracie lets herself fall backwards on my bed, spreading her arms above her head and huffing dramatically.

"You weren't even listing to what I was telling you!"

I normally find it amusing when she acts so offended and I tease her about it, but today I am not feeling like it. As some of my brothers have predicted, my mood is quickly going downhill and it has only been a few days since the accident. I dread to think how I am going to feel and act in the upcoming weeks. I'll be lucky if I haven't pissed off everybody around me by the time I am back to normal.