Acrasia

Vulnerability.

       I roam through her mind, going through the moments she spent away from me. Morbid curiosity on my behalf, I just want to see what she did while away from me. How she felt. It was depressing, uneventful, so I snort the mission to focus on my task at hand.

      If her mind were a file cabinet, imagine focusing and thumbing through thousands and thousands of files. Trying to go back to find the perfect bits and pieces of memory. I'm quite efficient though, having had decades of practice, and in no time I am weaving moments together. Creating the perfect tapestry to present to her. Instead of erasing the memory of my fuck up, I simply plan to lie about it's meaning. To explain later.
       
         If I erase the memory, Axar's presence here will go unexplained. She'll ask questions. I'll lose credibility with him that I need to impress her. I'd have to mess with his memories too to match it all up, and I don't like overexertion.  I like simplicity and expending little energy, especially when it's difficult or meticulous tasks. It's a miracle on it's own that I'm doing this much to get back in Sera's good graces. On it's own, that is indisputable proof that she has some sort of hold on me.

       I stay frozen above her. This doesn't feel right, bot replaying the memories,  but the lying. It's the way of incubi or sucubi. We lie, deceive, lead people on, we steal, but lying to Sera feels anything but natural lately. It's insulting to her intelligence to assume she would just blindly believe whatever coy cover I dish out. I said what I said, I made no move to correct her. Even if I altered the moment, everything beyond that point still won't fit right. Sera wouldn't have reacted such a way had I explained, she's petty but rational. This is too hard. Narius is right though, I could've just lied in the first place instead of saying what I did. I lied to Henry that I was God, if I can pull of that big a lie then certainly I could've claimed to be her boyfriend or lover. I mean, I was her lover.

      I shake my thoughts away to regroup. I begin to work through the moment we met, I think about Axar's words earlier. About the poetry, and I decide to let her see herself through my eyes here and there. To let her feel how I felt watching her saunter off after that encounter to work. I let her see me toy with her hairvwhike I was invisible,  and I decide to just keep with my point of view for a bit. Maybe, just maybe, if she sees how I view her she will understand my feelings without my having to say anything. I go through the scene of her cheating ex, where I stood unseen at her side. I go on to watching her save her own day with her ingenuity and will power. She pulled off a dinner with next to nothing, just took her scraps and made a masterpiece down to her 'table cloth'. A man like me would never have appreciated such small sentiments, but Sera is a woman who can take anything and roll with it. A survivor, I realize. A woman who can handle the weight ok f the world, even if she will vent about it here and there.

      I let her feel the tingle in my body at her shock at my surprise pizza and cake, and my humor as she goes through the house with the broom. The way her smile and wet eyes lit up when she finally accepted the gifts. The curious feeling in my body when she reached to hold me, thinking we were in her dreams. The way her body sated every hunger I had the moment we touched. The euphoria of our sexual encounters. Inplay everything to her. Right down to my desolation when she left. Every emotion, the restlessness a d emptiness. I even bare my guilt to her. I don't understand it, but if she can feel it, maybe she will. I remain over her, enjoying her closeness just a moment too long once it is over.

       I raise up to leave and I feel her energy change. A tear drips down her face in her sleep and she instinctively pulls me down to her. I let myself fall against her and she opens her eyes to see me.

      "What are you doing here?"

      "I came here to surprise you."

      "I'm definitely surprised."  

      "Not like that I just wanted to...well...I wanted to enhance your dreams. I wanted you to see how I feel too. To know I'm sorry..." I hate the taste of that word. I can count on one hand the times I've used it.

      "Nox?" I look back to her, not realizing I couldn't hold her eyes. "Are you alright? You're shaking all over." Am I? She raises up against me and eases me down onto my back beside her. "Nox?"

      "Yes..." I whisper, feeling embarrassed at the turn of events.

      "Are you hungry?" She asks. "Have you not fed much?"

      "I did, but it wasn't enough I suppose." I sigh. She sighs too and throws a pillow between us to straddle me.

      "You may feed from me..."

      "You aren't mad still?"

       "Of course I am, but not enough to let you suffer. You are not well, that tops any problems I might have at the moment." I ease her down so I can absorb any strong energy she's feeling. I rest for a moment just holding her to me, but I want more. I study her before I am brace enough to ask.

       "Can I have blood? I will not take much." She softens and nods to me. I try to pace myself once I have latched, I want to gulp greedily having been so deprived, but I refrain and sip slow. Relish. Savor. Slowly. Slowly. I pull back from her and clean my mouth. "Thank you."

        "You're welcome. Are you better?"

        "Somewhat. Are we?" I grab her hand as a silent plea. She looks down and away.

        "As friends, yes. Anything else I'm not certain. Once bitten, twice shy they say. After you hurt me once it will be hard to trust you again. I'm not sure I can open myself up like that anytime soon. I'm sorry." Im equally relieved, and disappointed. 

        "I understand. I will take what I can though." I smile past my disappointment to ease her racing mind. I stretch out beside her and pull my shirt off.

        "What are you doing? Stop stripping!" Age tries to hold the shirt to me as I whisk it away.

        "Now that we are friends, and I'm very tired, I decided I will sleep right here." I do not expect the pillow that bludgeons my face. She continues to attack me as I pretend to pull at my pants.

        "Stop Noxnudeius!" She huffs and I laugh at the new nickname. I fight back now, grabbing a pillow of my own and targeting her lush bosom as she strikes me again. She leaps from the bed running and throws the shirt at me. "Shirt on! Wait, nevermind. I'll take the couch." I grin sheepishly as she goes for the door. She will be floored when she sees what I've done.