Acrasia

Wings.

             *Sera's POV*

          I don't know why I did that, or how I lived. I have no real fear of death in honesty, I never have known why. I guess living your whole life in survival mode just readies you for it. You become comfortable, dare I say, with the idea that you will eventually die. Depressing yes, but I've come to terms with it. I expected it years ago.
    
          Cars honk and strangers yell at me as my boots practically burn their rubber as I flee from the car of people who currently cause me nothing but suffering. I gave them both my heart. I gave them everything to try to get just a smidge of their love, and just like everyone else they betray me and use me. I was just a pet, a food source. I was just a temporary home and guardian. I gave Nox my virginity, my energy, my blood and tears. I gave him memories and raw bits of my life. Even if it was under his manipulation, it still hurts to know he coerced this from me and it meant nothing to him. I had my soul exposed, and it meant nothing to him. As for Axar, I brought him home no questions asked and babies him. I have nothing, but I split it all with him, selling my best things to clothe and get extra food. Going without so he would have bigger portions, and never questioning what he was only to have him throw it all back in my face.

        I hear Nox calling to me, and I force myself to keep up this new incredible pace. I had not even realized I was in the forest until I hear him stop pursuing me in the distance, and continue to shout. I continue on, slightly slowing to try to figure out what to do now and trying to keep track of where I am. I notice a yellow butterfly perched on a vibrant rose, the sun shines down illuminating it as it flutters it's wings on the rose.

        "Sera...please..." I tune him out as I watch the butterfly. It only wants to live. It wants to fly, to eat, to rest peacefully knowing the next day it is free to fly and enjoy it's flowers and the warm sun on it's wings. It wants to enjoy the small things, it doesn't compete or envy. It doesn't want luxury. It's content in the moment, it only wants happiness and it's creature comforts. That's all I want too. All I've ever wanted. My tears burn as they spill out.

       I deserve that too. I'll have that. I will do it all on my own. I'll figure this out and gain control of myself. I'll get a new job. A new place to stay somehow. I'll start fresh. For once. I'm going to put me first. I want to pretend Nox never existed, and purge him from my memory. 

        The idea hits me to get closer to the road way and follow it from the woods. Barima is dead. Her house is vacant now.  I'll stay there for now and check her home for things I can use. From what I gathered earlier she looked to have nobody else living with her. No signs of other's belongings in the main house or even photos.  I might be able to stay there a few days. It's adding insult to injury, but she is deceased and she stabbed me, so I push the thought aside and journey back towards Barima's house with purpose. 

        As soon as I feel I am safe to come to the road I exit the wood line and emerge, crossing the ditch and walking on the concrete shoulder opposite the white line. I am not far from Barima's house. It will not take me long. A few cars slow for me and men make lewd remarks on my figure as I jog. I've already killed one person today, at this moment in time my mood is foul enough I wouldn't feel bad to knock off a few perverts. A pickup speeds to catch me, then locks up beside me. I turn to study the man as he steps out of the truck.

       "Hello miss. Couldn't help but noticing you jogging in dead of winter, and you don't have on athletic gear. You have to be cold. Were you heading somewhere close?" He looks concerned, more than lustful. He forces his eyes to stay on my face.