Surviving You

20: Core Memory #10

Core Memory - Unsuccessful Treatments

I watch from behind Ally as she pulls yet another handful of hair out of her head. Chemotherapy has not been nice to her, and sadly it also hasn't been curing her leukemia.

"I want to do it, Alex" She announces, her eyes catching mine in the mirror. She's seated in a chair in the middle of our washroom because she can't stand for very long. I place my hands on her shoulders and kiss her temple.

"You sure sweetheart?" I clarify and she nods her head. I send her an encouraging smile and grab the electronic hair clipper and it buzzes to life in my hand.

I catch her eyes once more in the mirror and she smiles. She's been so positive and strong since the diagnosis. She's had rough days, but her smile never leaves her face. I think I've been taking all of this harder than she has.

I bring the clippers to her head and gently glide them over her scalp, shaving off a section of her patchy brown hair. The hair falls to the ground and Ally lets out an excited giggle.

"I'm going to look like Calliou" She mumbles to herself and I adamantly shake my head.

"You're going to look so beautiful, Ally." I reassure her as I continue to sheer off her hair.

When I finish, I turn the clippers off and set them on the counter. Ally runs her hands over her head and sighs.

"I miss my hair. I miss feeling pretty. When I look into the mirror, all I see is the sick version of myself. I don't even recognize this Ally. I miss the old Ally." Ally whispers out as her shaky hands rest on the counter. I walk from behind her chair to in front of it to block her view from the mirror.

"When I look at you Ally," I pause, tilting her chin up to look at me, "I see the most beautiful girl in the world staring back at me. You never lost your beauty, sweetheart. If anything, you've become more beautiful now than you ever were before. When I look at you, I don't see your sickness, I see your courage, your bravery, your strength. That is what makes you beautiful, Ally" I pause again and give her a big smile while kissing her gently.

"Also, if I may add, you have such a nicely shaped head Ally. This bald look is really sexy" I mumble as I rub my hands over her head.

"It's not sexy" She giggles swatting my hands away.

"Oh but it is. It really makes your eyes pop. You know how much I love your eyes" I compliment and I see her eyes brighten with joy. That's my girl.

"What do you want to do today? Anything you want to do, we'll do it!" I suggest and her mood continues to brighten. She thinks for a second before smiling wide.

"Can we invite our friends for a movie night? It's been a while since we've seen them all together and I miss hanging out normally" Ally explains and my heart breaks for her.

Between treatments and doctors appointments, school and her overall sickness, finding time for our friends has not been high on the list. I know she misses them dearly and wants nothing more than to have one night of normalcy.

"Of course sweetheart. I'll go text them all now and see if can come over" I lean in to kiss her once more and my eyes find their way to her beautiful shaved head.

"Mmm, you gotta stop being so beautiful. I can't control myself Ally" I groan as I leave the bathroom, leaving a giggling Ally so I can go find my phone.

-

"Did someone say movie night?!" Eric squeals in excitement as he races through our apartment door with a bag in each hand.

"What did you bring?" I ask him and he grins devilishly.

"Where's my favourite girl? Oh Ally! I fucking love it! You look so good" Eric exclaims when he sees Ally sitting on the couch. She smiles brightly at him as he comes over to hug her.

"You like it?" She asks hopefully.

"I love it, Ally. It suits you. It really does" Eric genuinely says and for the first time in a while I'm glad he didn't decide to joke about it. I already know how insecure she is about her hair being gone.

The rest of our friends travel into the apartment and they all compliment Ally. We all sit down in the living room, a cheesy romantic comedy playing in the tv. Ally had fallen asleep in my arms halfway through the movie. When I realize she won't be waking up any time soon, I scoop her into my arms and carry her off to bed.

I change her into her pyjamas and tuck her into our bed, kissing her forehead gently and whispering how much I love her.

When I come back to the living room, the movie is paused and my friends are looking at me wearily. I know what they want to talk about but I'm not sure I have it in me to voice whats happening.

"How are the treatments going?" Raven asks gently and I sigh as I sit back down on the couch.

"They aren't working" I mumble out and avoid everyone's gaze. The last thing I need is everyone looking at me with pity. Pitying the poor guy who's fiancée has cancer.

"Are there other treatments she could try?" Julia pipes up and I shake my head while trying to hold back tears.

The doctors said that we're pretty much at the end of the rope. It's now just a waiting game.

I take a sharp inhale of breath as I place my head in my shaky hands.

"I can't lose her guys. I just can't. She's going to get better. She has to. She promised she'd never leave me. We'll keep fighting. We'll do whatever it will take" I tell them with determination.

"She's strong Alex. Ally is one strong girl. Everything will be okay" Nate comforts as he wraps his arms around me and hugs me. Eric, Julia and Raven all come over to us and surround me in their arms.

It feels good to have them with me. Whatever happens, I know I'll always have them.

I just wish I'd always have Ally too.

A/N
This is seriously breaking my heart.

I hate myself for doing this to Ally and Alex. They deserve a happily ever after.

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Next update: Sunday!

Xx