unexpected feelings | marichat

chapter forty-five

marinette's pov
   after what felt like ages, i finally managed to choke out something similar to a greeting. alya smiled slightly.
   "your mom let me in," she explained, setting trixx down on the lounge. my eyes followed the tiny kwami, who didn't seem the least bit worried that alya had seen him or pollen in my bedroom. i tried to come up with a plausible excuse as to why in the world they'd be here, but my brain drew nothing but blanks. wonderful.
   "haha, yeah, i figured! i, um... i see you found the... stuffies! talking, moving stuffies i've been prototyping. aren't they adorable? so... realistic," i laughed nervously, removing pollen from alya's hair and petting the kwami slightly before setting her down beside trixx.
"very. you know, they kind of shocked me when i first came in. especially that fox one. who'd have thought ladybug kept all the kwamis in her bedroom? i didn't even know she took care of the miraculouses," she shrugged, sharing a look with trixx. i laughed loudly.
"a kwami? miraculouses? is that where ladybug and chat noir get their powers from? wow!! i had... uh... no idea," i squeaked, maintaining a stupid grin on my face the whole time. it was beginning to hurt.
alya's smile faltered. "you know what else i didn't know? that ladybug turned out to be my best friend this whole time. could you believe it?" how did she figure it out?
i sighed, giving up my little charade. "alya, look-" before i could finish my sentence, alya stopped me with her hand.
"stop, marinette. i don't need an explanation. i won't pretend to understand why you hid it from me, but i know you, and i know that if you thought it was the best course of action, it probably was. i kinda wish i could apologize for knowing your identity at all," she laughed humorlessly. i smiled slightly.
"how'd you even figure it out? have i been so obvious?" a thousand different moments ran through my head, all ultimately leading people very easily towards my identity. i might as well have tattooed it on my forehead.
"no, it wasn't your fault. actually, looking back, it should have been pretty obvious, but that's not how i figured it out. it technically wasn't even me who figured it out.
"the day after ms. bustier's party, i got a text from lila. a little before you called me, actually. she said there was something urgent she needed to tell me, and obviously i freaked. before i could even reply, she sent me a video. the video showed ladybug detransforming and..."
alya trailed off, or maybe i had just stopped listening. all i could register was an extreme panic building up inside of me. because, if it wasn't bad enough already that at least two people knew who i was beneath the mask, one of them was none other than lila rossi. and i was sure she wouldn't mind hurting me, in or out of the costume. this was a disaster. who else knows?
"marinette? are you okay? you're super pale, girl. here, sit down," alya instructed, carefully leading me towards the chaise and sitting me down. i shook my head, trying to clear the fogginess.
"alya... what happened after you got the video? did she tell anyone else? oh my god, what if she told hawkmoth?" i clapped a hand over my mouth, imagining a hundred terrible different outcomes of that scenario. i was going to throw up.
"no, i don't think he knows. how would she even contact him? relax, marinette. breathe. after the initial shock wore off, i called her. she seemed genuinely shocked that i didn't know about this already, and i asked her who else knew. she said it was only her who knew, due to a 'lucky' strike, but she had planned on telling other people," alya replied, attempting to calm me down. that last sentence did the total opposite of that, though. i started hyperventilating, and she quickly backtracked.
"no, marinette! calm down! calm down. i stopped her before she could do anything. i told her that if others knew, it would just make them like you more. i know neither of you like one another, so i figured that would help. she said that didn't bother her though, so then i told her that if she told anyone, adrien would probably find out, and that would make him fall in love with you even more. i think that scared her, because she shut up after that. just in case, i did also tell her that she could use this as leverage against you, so she'd better keep it a secret," alya concluded sheepishly, and i rubbed an ache in my temple. this was a nightmare. but i couldn't blame alya.
"thank you for helping, als. really, it means more than you know. i just hope lila keeps her word and doesn't tell anyone."
"she'll keep it if she wants to have a good name on the ladyblog," she warned, and i giggled. alya laughed with me, which brought me comfort until i remembered one thing.
"you're not mad at me for keeping this a secret, are you?" alya's smile softened.
"are you kidding? of course i'm not mad. you're my best friend, marinette. that doesn't change because you kept this a secret from me. i was a little sad at first, but i know you didn't do it to be a bad friend, or because you didn't trust me. and i still trust you just as much as i did before i found out. that won't ever change," she assured me, taking both my hands in hers. i threw my arms around her, tears escaping my eyes. could i ask for a better friend?
"you're the best, alya."
she smirked as we pulled away, and i wiped away my tears. "i know i am. sooo... does chat noir know? are you guys a thing now?" she teased, and i had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. despite the fact that i was mortally terrified that there were people aware of my secret, i was also relieved. i could finally stop lying to alya. if only i could do the same with chat noir.
the reminder made my smile disappear. "it's always been a general rule between us that nobody should know our identity, not even us. he always wanted to know who i was, but i always insisted we keep it a secret, for everyone's safety. then, other things happened and... the whole identity reveal just seems like a much bigger risk than ever now. i know he's done his best to- oh, alya, you don't think lila knows his identity too, do you?" the thought on its own was enough to make me panic again. alya furrowed her eyebrows in thought.
   "she didn't say anything about him. i don't think she knows it, she probably would have mentioned it. don't worry, girl. chat noir is safe, for now at least."
   i sighed in relief, but with my identity out in the open, his was on the line as well. i had to tell him about this, and fast.
   "guess there's no point in hiding my transformation anymore," i sighed. "tikki, spots on."
alya stared, her eyes glittering and mouth in a huge 'o' shape.
   "that was so COOL! wow! is that how it always is? that was awesome!!"
i laughed a little at her enthusiasm. "haven't you transformed into rena rouge before?"
she made a face. "duh. but it's so much cooler getting to watch others transform! yours and nino's are so different," she remarked, in awe. i blushed, slightly overwhelmed by the excitement alya showed upon finding out i was ladybug.
   "i think it gets pretty overrated after doing it so many times, but im glad you like it," i shrugged, texting chat noir to meet me at the eiffel tower in ten minutes. he texted back in less than a minute, as he always did.
"can i leave you here with the kwamis? i know they're always alone but... since you already know..."
alya grinned. "of course you can leave me with them! they're so cute!" she rubbed trixx's head, and trixx smirked. i smiled at the sight.
"you're the best. don't do anything stupid!" i warned, half-joking as i climbed up to my balcony.
"i can't. you're taking all the stupid with you," alya called out before i shut the door. i laughed at the line before remembering where i was headed.
i steeled myself before swinging off, telling myself that all was good and well if hawkmoth didn't know what lila and alya knew. everything was going to be fine, and chat noir would be beside me through anything. yeah, everything was fine. perfectly fine.

(a/n: the gang of secrets rip off nobody asked for but received anyway bc i am not abt to redraft the idea)