Fresh Starts

1.7

Cal's Pov:
the night before

Text from Lenny:
Lenny: hi lad you up for coming out tonight?
Cal: alright will, yeah sure where to?
Lenny; pub mate
Cal: sure, let's go to one near yours
Lenny; sounds good, get uber to mine?
Cal: onnit

I got dressed into some jeans and a black t-shirt and chucked on some converse and a jacket.

"Harry lad i'm going out" I walked into Harry's room where he was sitting doing absolutely nothing

"Okay see you later" he called back

I then went to Lux's room
"Lux lad i'm away out, see you later"
"okay see ya" he smiled back

I jumped into an uber and headed to wills.

-

We ended up not going to a pub and ended up in a club right near wills.

We drank and drank and drank until I couldn't even stand up straight without wobbling over.

Random girl: "Hi are you calfreezy?"
Cal: "yeah"
Random girl: "I'm Kate, nice to meet you"
Cal: "alright, nice to meet you too"
Kate: "you here alone?"
Cal: "nah with my mate Will,  he's over there"
Kate: "oh that's boring"

She placed her hand on my arm and pulled herself into me, next thing I knew her lips were connected to mine and we were kissing in a club.

Then it hit me, LUCY. I've done it again. I've gone and fucking done it again.

Get drunk and ruin everything I enjoy.

I pushed the girl off me

"Sorry uh I can't do that" I stuttered not making eye contact

"You've got a girl haven't you?" she laughed

"Nah I just ain't this type of person" i played it off so she couldn't expose me

She just laughed and walked off to join her friends.

I decided I couldn't stay in this club so I ran out and ran to the other side of the street.

I got my phone out and without thinking just threw it at the wall, shattering it into pieces.

I was so distraught and disgusted in myself that I've done it all again.

Nobody has to know, if i keep it to myself the guilt will slowly go away. The guilt from Alice never went away but this might because I stopped myself.

I slipped down the wall onto my arse and held my head in my hands, crying and embarrassed

"Hey Cal, are you alright ?" I heard Will shouting coming closer to me

"Cal, lad" he asked again

"Yea yea i'm fine mate, can we go?" i didn't lift my head up

"You wanna just stay at mine?" he asked and I nodded.

We walked back to his flat in silence, Will tried to speak to me but I just ignored him.

We finally arrived and he led me to the spare room, he gave me a bottle of water and then left to his room.

I spent the night staring at the ceiling, crying at how stupid I am.

Slowly I fell asleep

* morning *

"Cal wake up" Will was shaking me

"CAL WAKE UP!" he shouted

"I'm up prick what is it?"

"Simon wants to speak to you?" he answered

and then i remembered, my phones broken, i kissed a random girl last night and none of my friends have heard from me since yesterday. I'm completely fucked

I took the phone off Will and spoke to Simon. He was pissed, really really angry. Lucy is sitting crying because she thinks I've gone missing.

I wish I had gone missing to be honest.

Simon hung up the phone and I got dressed into my clothes from last night and got the first uber i could to the sidemen house, making sure to thank will for letting me stay.