Running on Insulin

Chapter 22

Samantha came downstairs, but kept her head down and refused to look at Jenna or me.

"Test, and insulin, kiddo," I said, putting her kit on the breakfast bar in front of her.

She tested, but didn't tell us the number, and just stared at her insulin pen.

"Sam?" Jenna said, going up beside her. "You have to take your insulin before you can have breakfast. You know that."

Samantha didn't move an inch. Jenna sat in the chair beside her and checked the history on the monitor's log.

"Okay, your blood sugar looks good. Let's get your insulin calculated, huh? How much do you need for eggs, bacon, toast, and milk? Or do you want hot chocolate? Tea? Coffee?"

Samantha's shoulders shook.

"Oh, Samantha," Jenna said, pulling the girl into her arms. Samantha wrapped her arms around my wife. "What's the matter?"

"I don't want to leave," she said.

"Who said you're leaving?" Jenna asked, shooting me a look. I shook my head.

"If Marie is coming, that means she's going to make me leave," Samantha said. "Tyler says he doesn't think so, but that's what happens every time. She'll find some reason I can't stay here. Like, you're too far from my school, or you don't have experience, or you're away too much or something stupid."

"Not this time, sweetie," Jenna said. "I promise. Not this time."

"You can't promise that," Samantha sniffled.

"Maybe, maybe not. But we can't borrow trouble. We'll do everything we can to try to make sure you stay here as long as possible, okay? That I can promise you. Let's get your insulin done, and have breakfast, okay? Marie will be here at ten, and we'll all meet with her and then we'll see what's what then, okay?"

Samantha clearly wasn't convinced, and we didn't know how to make this easier for her. We were hoping Marie would be bringing news that we were cleared to start the process of adopting Samantha, but we didn't know, and we didn't want to say anything until we knew for sure. Samantha had enough disappointment in her life, we didn't want to make a promise we weren't sure we could keep.

Samantha prepped her insulin pen, and measured out the dose she said she'd need. She still trembled when she passed the lowest number her dad would have allowed her, but I think with so much on her mind today, already, she was resigned that nothing good was going to happen anyway, so why not use the right amount and deal with the consequences, which of course, with us, would be none.

"Good job, sweetie," Jenna said, clearing up Samantha's kit and needle and kissing her on the head. Samantha seemed stunned by the affection. She stared after Jenna.

I put a plate in front of Samantha and handed her a fork. She pushed the eggs around.

"Eat those. I worked really hard scrambling them and adding just the right amount of cheese."

"You make cheesy scrambled eggs?" she asked, looking at me.

"Of course the cheesiest. Probably the only one who makes eggs cheesier than me is Josh. Man, I really need to catch him up on what's been going on," I said. "Anyway, what's wrong with cheesy eggs?"

"Nothing. They're my favorite. My mom used to make me cheesy scrambled eggs. My dad never let me have scrambled eggs after..." she trailed off.

I rolled my eyes internally. He really did everything he could to drain any amount of joy out of Samantha's life.

Despite being pleased with the eggs, she still pushed her food around. I knew she was nervous, but she needed to eat. And I reminded her.

She managed to finish the eggs and had a few pieces of bacon. She ate a piece of toast and asked for a glass of milk.