Smitten With Him [Editing]

35. Listen

Beautiful song, beautiful voice, beautiful meaning. Need I say more?
(And yes, it's originally by Beyoncé but this cover in my opinion is way better)

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Days passed in a blur, and it was soon Friday. I wasn't focusing right, I was starting to flunk my classes too, all because I had too much on my mind. Sure, we were starting exam period and our lessons have changed slightly so we can revise but I couldn't process anything.

I suppose I kind of expected getting told to 'fuck myself' by Jace, the one person who could say it with such acrimony and would still have me falling to his feet. I did force him to talk to me, I mean, nobody should be forced to be talked to but my emotions got the better of me and actually caused me to hurt Jace's wrist by grabbing it so hard.

I felt terrible about it, what kind of monster had I become? I physically hurt him and I feel like I've just commited mass murder.

I didn't like Jace being angry at me, it was odd. He's practially the happiest person I know, during school that is. When he gets home to his flop of a father, he's not like that. It's more like the father figure to Camellia than her actual father will ever be.

Vince wasn't terrible, I suppose. He was a good father but that's only when he's sober. I had only seen him at Jace's like twice or something, as Jace said, his parents are usually abroad.

Thinking about Jace only caused a lump in my throat, literally every time I see him or think of him or hear his name. My tummy flutters and my hands become sweaty and it's terrible.

I didn't know if I should try talking to him again. I know that I wanted to because I told him that is help with his drunk father and help with Cammie's problems. It's not something I could walk away from, if I see trouble and not do anything about it, I'd feel absolutely terrible and angry at myself. I am ready feeling that way and I don't want another reason to add to the list.

I still had to tell him about me and Flynn, I felt bad keeping it from him even though I didn't necessarily have to tell him, right? It wasn't like we were dating or anything during that time.

Were we?

I didn't even know.

Nonetheless, I felt compelled to tell him but how can I do such a thing if he's just avoiding me and running away all the time? The idiot doesn't even want to hear me out.

I felt like I was annoying him by keeping trying to get us to talk. I hope I wasn't, maybe I should leave him be? Give him some time alone? It's only been four days since I confessed to him and I don't think that's enough time for him to process it all.

I just wish he'd hear me out though, honestly, I wanted to explain, I wanted to help him understand. Avoiding me isn't going to help, we have to talk to each other at some point in life.

We were supposed to be having a physics session today but to be honest, I didn't feel like going. It would be awkward and we wouldn't even be focusing on physics. I reckon one thing will go through one ear and out the other just like everything has for the past few days because I just have too much on my mind. Why is he complicating things for?

I just wish he'd listen.

Maybe if I did go to the physics session today in hopes of him showing up, I'd be able to talk to him.

He wouldn't pass tutoring me because he was the teachers pet and it was his duty to tutor me.

But then again, I pulled out the big L word too early, he probably thought it was best to forget the session.

I suppose the only way to find out was to show up.

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My fingers trembled as I walked down the corridor, fashionably late of course. My head was spinning with negative thoughts and my emotions were all over the place. What should I feel?