When Stars Align

Chapter 58 - Blinding Lights

Marianne's POV

A week.

A whole week passes, and there is still no news about Angelo.

How can any of this be real? Angelo not being here, a house full of strangers.

It's like a joke that is not funny.

We have been trying to understand, trying to finger it out, but it's like he dissapeared into thin air.

And now, all this thinking and waiting is driving me crazy....

I am losing my mind....I just......i don't know what to do anymore.

I feel like i am stuck in a dream, a nightmare that i can't seem to wake up from.

Stuck in this dream where i am constantly being consumed by the flames of every emotion i can ever think of, one after the other, sometimes all at once.

I remember these feelings very well when i lost dad. The guilty, the pain, the loneliness and emptiness, and how it never completely goes away. I know these emotions all too well.

And now i am back at it again, only this time, i am just hanging in this never ending vacuum where i don't know what happened, and when all this will end. The only thing i am sure of is this pain, this anger, sadness, emptiness.

But the biggest emotion, that unlike the others burns constantly like a flame, never consuming me fully, only hurting me, injuring, scaring me, is fear.

Fear that he is never coming back home. That i will never see him again.

Every day, every morning, i open my eyes and i am afraid, afraid of what the day holds for me, will this be the day he comes back home, or will it be the day someone tells he is never coming back.

And everytime i see someone walking up to me, my worst fear is that they are coming to give me the bad news.

Everytime i see people talking to themselves, and i can't hear what they are saying, i wonder if they have heard something and are discussing how to pass me the bad news.

Everytime someone calls my name, i fear what they will say next.

Everytime someone looks at me, i try to read their face, their expression, just so i can mentally prepare myself.

Everytime i switch on the tv, pick up the phone, my heart burns with fear.

I fear everyone, every sound.

I am afraid of everything.

I am burning in this fear, hoping and praying that Angelo will come back, because only he can save me from this nightmare.

Every night, i cry myself to sleep, and i know that all this stress is taking a toll on my health, so i think about this pregnancy, i think about these babies that even though were unplanned, were conceived out of love. It's the only thing that is keeping me together, keeping me connected to Angelo, and preventing me from being completely consumed in this nightmare once again.

I am grateful that mom and Jade are still around. Lana is staying here too and Andre comes by often, sometimes spending a night. Luke has been around here a couple of times aswell.

Lora, she comes by everyday to check on us and find how things are going, and Ivan has called a couple of times aswell. Basically, i am never without people around me, but still incredibly lonely.

Everyone is hurting, i understand that. Angelo's family, Nick, even Mario, AJ and his team, they are all hurting, confused, and hopeful, and all of us feel responsible in one way or another that we let this happen.