sefirin kiz

chapter 7

Sancar, was fighting another war with himself and his family. His heart and mind was constantly clashing. His heart knew Nare didn't betray him. He saw proof in her eyes today but his mind couldn't get over with her continual declaration of gediz as her husband. She did commit mistakes in the past but this mistake was costing dearly to everyone. She didn't value the mansion but she should have respected his love. She could have discussed with him, if her father or gediz or kahraman was blackmailing her. And then his heart would get restless and he would start pacing the room with the thought that Gediz and Nare were sharing a room. He was breaking inside and his mother didn't leave any stone unturned to remind him of her betrayal. She could start anytime. Melek, was trying to hide her hurt like him, the child was so mature for her age. Every night they consoled each other, but today after a brief talk with Nare, melek was better, but it did leave sancar insecure someway. He was scared what if Nare takes away melek from him.

Its strange, but sancar was questioning his love of almost 20 yrs. Did they really love each other. He feared that he would loose his everything to gediz. Melek liked him too. On several occasions when melek has been upset she went to Gediz.

He did make the mistake of not trusting Nare once and he paid dearly for it, he cannot repeat the same mistake and refuse to believe what he saw in her eyes.

Today, in the hut, he could see and feel her love, her constraints which she chose not to reveal. She is hiding something from him.

The little time that he spent with Nare together after so long, he realized he didn't know her at all nor did she know him. They are poles apart and it made him so jealous. Why was he so jealous? He was always scared of loosing her, she was like his prized possession. He was scared people won't treat her well. He wanted to keep her safe in his heart, with himself always. Then he remembered what Nare said to him in hospital, 'you are in my heart but living with you didn't work out.'

Did she really give up on him. She is so close yet so far away. Is he trying to display his right on wrong woman. This thought of her marriage with gediz was driving him crazy and his heart turned so heavy. He just walked to the barn suffocated where gece his horse is. Took a deep breath and washed his face, with every trickle of water dripping down his face, he resolved to try to be unaffected. He then shared his deep pain with gece. He said 'I got everything I want but Nare for whom I did everything I couldn't' he said caressing his horse. Gece got sad too. His eyes watered up as well.

Elvan, she was fighting her own battle. She wanted to be independent but had no support. Nare had given her so much support, but now with Nare gone, she felt lonely. Dudu was trying all her ways to come back to mansion with yahya. How long will yahya stay away from his house, after all it was his house. She was alone and Mrs. halise may have been her mother but when it came to choose between her and yahya, she will definitely choose yahya. She also felt that she was staying here without any position. What was she here, yahya's ex wife, sancar brothers sister. In so many relationships that she had developed, none seem to hold strong infront of her relationship with yahya.

After talking to melek in the night, nare said good night and sent a kiss to her. Melek kissed her back on the phone and cut the phone. Melek was learning to getting used to talking with Nare on phone, secretly she was hoping for a reconciliation between her parents. She prayed every night before going to bed.

Nare sat on the bed in her night dress. She kept the phone on the bed and pulled her gown close to her to warm her bosom. It was early spring and night was cold. She thought of walking over the balcony to look at the moon. She went over to the cupboard to get a cardigan, in the corner of the shelf she spotted an album. Curiously she pulled it out and opened it. She saw picture of Gediz and his family. Old photographs of him with his grandfather. Her face lit into innocent smile as she rummaged through the album of young gediz and his family. In some of the pictures sancar was also there. She was drawn down her memory lane of the old village holidays. She remembered her innocent love. She remembered sancar taking her through the olive farms and the games that they played. She had never met gediz, just heard of him. She saw pictures of sancar and gediz together. Sancar looked tough, simple yet carried an attitude and gediz stylish, sporting his smart clothes but pretending to be simple. She peered through the photo of sancar and gediz together. A bit shy to look at sancar, she always felt that instant attraction to him, he was that strong man like a mountain, pretending to be an adult even at that age. Then she had a quick glance at geidz, she couldn't help noticing that he was different, having been always abroad but she could see he was trying to fit himself here. Gediz, to her appeared like her, he was always away,he would come to mugla for holidays. She closed the album and decidedly held the album in her hand. How the beautiful childhood turned into an ugly adulthood. She was here married to gediz, through an agreement and sancar there alone with their daughter. Everyone is unhappy. She looked at the clock it was 9 pm. Gediz hadn't called her today. He left without informing her and so unlike him he didn't call her. She felt something amiss. She picked her phone to call him, he didn't pick up her call.

Gediz was very disturbed. He felt the pain getting on him. He never thought ever that he would be forced to marry the woman he loved. He was even more pained to know that Nare had no emotion left for him, perhaps not even hatred. He knew he hadn't done good things but he felt he had no place at all. All he wanted was to be left alone with his grief. Sometimes that feeling was so intense that he wanted to be left alone. He saw her phone call, but chose not to pick up. His life had turned into puzzle. He was trying to balance himself but deciding which way to go was so difficult. He wanted to be nare's friend again, that confidante that he was. But his love exploded that beautiful relation they shared. It was growing suffocating for him too, to see her being treated unjustly by sancar. He couldn't bear watching her being treated unjustly. Sancar played with her dignity, how hurt she was, but inspite of all that, she cared for him. She took sancar's protection than his. Just because he loved her. He got out of his car, walked towards the beach. He couldn't stay any longer like this. Lost all games and relations of life, why every night he revisits past horrors, his mistakes and losses.

Time has come to move on. With this new project which he has won, he had something to look forward to. He cannot live in that village either. It was sancar, who taught him to live there, but he is still that stranger to village culture and traditions. He doesn't have that acumen to deal with the villagers. He knew he can't survive them, he was always away, he was always an outsider. Building business in bodrum city would be easier for him. Some days of struggle are ahead but he knew he can do it here. Its just been a couple of weeks, he was already feeling at home here. He left for the hotel. Refika called gediz, they had a brief talk. She was happy to know that he had got the project. She sensed sadness in his voice, she asked about it as well but he chose to remain quite. She bid him good night.

Refika went to muge's room. She said to muge ' I am growing worried about gediz. He is very unhappy'

'mum understand he is going through some tough days of his life'

'we all are, I am quite because of him. This marriage has brought such shame to us'

'mum, please, try to stand with us. Everything with time will heal and settle'

'what will settle? Our such long friendship with halise will it get better? No. It has turned worse now. Woman is right though, I cannot deny it.'

'may be gediz has taken this decision, with something in mind'

'what something, he is in love with her crazily. He didn't bother about generations of relations we shared with efeoglus, a girl was enough to ruin everything'

'mum'

'he says he will write his own rules, his obstinacy has brought us so low that we cant face society anymore. I shouldn't have let you guys do it, only if I had known what you brother and sister were upto, I wouldn't let this happen. Partnership wouldn't have broken. Our lives would have continued...'

'mum...but today is different. He did get the project. Gediz is rebuilding his life in bodrum. We can relocate and live in city again.'

'leave our roots..' refika became very emotional. Muge hugged her and consoled.