sefirin kiz

chapter 17

One evening when he came, he went inside his bedroom as usual. Nare, knocked on the door.

'yes' he replied.

'may I come in'

'ofcourse' he said while straightening his tees

'can we talk?'

'please go on' he responded respectfully.

'I was thinking to start working again, I am getting bored now as well'

'I have been suggesting you that anyway, I am happy you are considering that' he responded approvingly.

'I want to work at the marina, sadiclar marina' she asked hesitatingly.

'you can, but you know it is difficult to revive that, you will find it difficult to employ people as well' he argued.

'I know, it will be difficult, but I want to try and make it work' she explained.

'there is no problem now, but I have to ask it, after 7 months when we part ways, I don't think so you will like to continue working there, besides sancar....' he stopped to speak about the obvious.

'gediz..' she said interrupting him, his words were weighing heavy on her heart.

'may be, you can work in the other marina, if you want to work at marina, muge still has her shares, besides melek and sancar both have their shares. I can ask muge to let you work there. It will be better for you, from long term perspective' his words though spoken in most practical manner that he could, they managed to hide the painful separation that he was preparing himself for. She wasn't in his life either, but her mere presence in the room was painful.

Even though, gediz spoke with a straight face, nare caught the undertones. She didn't say anything. But once in her room, she reflected. She reflected perhaps for the first time, on gediz. Images of him flashed through her mind. His distant behaviour, appearing in control of situation, pretension of unaffected demeanour, maintaining business. He barely spoke to her. She never noticed. She failed to notice in these 5 months most of the things about him. She stood near the window, head leaning against the casement of the window, part of her face illuminated with the night light and part still hidden in the dark. She touched the sill tenderly, how would she manage to clean the mess her dad has put her into.

Sancar, melek, gediz, herself and the society. Gediz can find someone back in life, but melek. She wanted her and sancar both. Its not possible to get back with sancar. Even if he knows everything, she didn't want him to suffer anymore. She still felt she is not the right person for him. They love each other a lot, she loves him more than anything else and for that she should let go of him. They cannot be a happy couple.

She remembered suddenly of the reason of her breakup. The village which she symbolized with innocence, was built on rogue ruling the roost. There was no rule of law. Sancar had blood on his hand and he justified it to protect honour of his people. Did sancar had a different face, that she repeatedly refuses to see? Beyond a doting father and loving family man, he was also a man who would go to any length to deliver the justice that he thought was right.

Even after her repeated appeals to hand over Akin once found to the police, he had planned his punishment. Everything and everyone failed to convince him, gediz did not help her too. He betrayed her as well. She has never been able to forgive him yet for all his betrayals. Who is to be held responsible, sancar who wouldn't budge or gediz who assisted him in getting Akin to execute his sinister plans? She had not been able to find answers to these questions. She walked over to the table and sat down to open the diary again. Perhaps she needed diary today more than ever. She scribbled 'love is something to live for or die for?' her nib stopped on the paper. She pressed it hard on the paper with all her might and then the pen slipped from her fingers.