In a open relationship

chapter 18

I keep having nightmare after nightmare , I'm tossing and turning unable to sleep properly , luckily the lovers have gone out of the country without even giving me a notice , Billy told me that he took them to the airport this afternoon , I thought the whole plan was for them to keep their relationship under the wraps , if they get caught then it is not my problem.

Two weeks go by and I have to lie to the office staff everyday about where Ethan is ,I also don't know where he is , there's this fear that I have that something might've happened to them seeing as I haven't heard from them since they left but I don't dwell on it too much, to be honest I'm the happiest I've ever been in 5 years.

I feel alive again , two weeks without being embarrassed in front of the workers , without being shown fake affection in public , I don't know why I didn't think of Austin's plan earlier , I could've saved myself from years and years of living a traumatic life . 

even Caitlyn notices how happy I have been these past weeks and I think its time I tell her the truth .

I'm in her coffee shop , we are sitting at the table by the window talking about meaningless subjects.

" Ethan and I are in an open relationship " I blurt out .

her head falls back , " you mean open marriage ? " 

" yes that , I bought Sarah back and things seem to be going good " I say enthusiastically.

I explain what it's been like ever since they got back together and their sudden disappearance.

"If God favours me they might not come back " I add .

" and you think that will end with roses or with thorns ?" She says expressionless. 

my face falls " that's why I don't like telling you things Sis  because you always bring in your negative energy , things are going well so far so just shush " my happy face resurfaces again.

She raises her hands in defeat "  unlike you I'm a lover of reality, you just love living in a fantasy world and when reality forces you to come back you are always left broken , enjoy your momentary happiness but you know the truth , these things never end well , never   " .

I roll my eyes at her as she preaches her sermon ," I'll cross that bridge when I get there but for now , keep q.u.i.e.t"

...........

I return home after a yet another great day ,the smell of roasted chicken arrests my attention , they are back ,  my eyes widen as fear takes over me ,I was really leaning on the hope that they never return even though I knew that was way out of the option list .

Ethan is standing by the stove with a apron around his waist , " you are back " he says without turning around .

"yes , I was just cleaning the office " 

" can you please come and lend me a hand?" he asks softly .

" me ?" I turn around hoping to see someone else there.

" I didn't stutter did I ?" .

I drop my bag and fly across the kitchen to where he is , " can you please dice the onions for me and and chop the carrots " , I nod lightly and mutter ' sure ' .

we are both quiet, the only sounds that occupy the room are the sounds of the boiling pots and of me chopping the carrots .

" how are you ?" he asks .

I clear my throat , " me ? .....good good , and you ?", When did he last ask me this question ? If I remember correctly that was the very morning he was planning on getting married to Sarah , he had  call me to check on my dad's recovery , I lied to him about where I was because I was already engaged on my mission .

" I am also good just a little tired from the trip we had , the office didn't suffer that much without me did it ?" .

" not at all Miranda handled things well " 

I can hear him nod from behind me .

all Ethan needed was his Sarah and then boom he is back to normal , we are alone but he isn't insulting and tormenting me like he normally does.

" Sorry for everything " I use this opportunity to express myself but he remains silent.

I drop the knife and turn around ready to apologize again, " don't worry about it , its all in the past now ,time to move on " .

" oh thanks " I say awkwardly .

" but I doubt Sarah will let it go so easily and I don't have the right to tell her how to feel so I won't stand in her way , I'll let her deal with this the way she sees fit,  just giving you a heads up" .

in other words he is saying I should let her abuse me however she wants but does that mean he will no longer mistreat me ?.

" sure ,I'll have to pay for what I did one way or the other right ?,  thanks either way" I murmur.

it's fine if I could put up with him for five years then Sarah is nothing , to be honest there is a part in me that is wishing that he'd ask me to forgive him for the abuse and what he put me through and at the same time I understand what I put him through so I don't deserve an apology,it was mostly my fault .

" are you cooking for her ?"I ask .

" yep , she had to rush to her workplace the moment we landed ,there's a case that needed her attention , so I thought I should just spoil her , she's already tired from the trip and now her work is going to drain that little energy percentage she has left "

I try to not give anything away, " yeah being a doctor can be exhausting , where did you guys go by the way ?"  .

" don't push it , just because I am talking to you doesn't make us besties again , its a secret that's why we didn't tell you even when we left " he responds sternly .

but the fact that he is speaking to me makes me happy and hopefully that in 3 months things will finally be okay between us ,I honestly never thought I'd get to see this side of him again I just can't stop repeating it .

she arrives after nine wearing her scrubs and I wonder if she knows how hard the double life is ," hey babe " she says to him , " hey servant I just hope you didn't break anything whilst we were away "

" no not at all " , awkward silence fills the house .

" how was work ?, is everything fine ?'' Ethan asks her .

" yes love everything is fine " she says taking off her shoes as if she had been standing the whole day , they both kiss passionately  right in front of me which makes my heart ache a little , ' I am happy that Ethan is happy ' I repeat to myself .

they pull apart " smells nice, did you cook ?" she asks looking at his apron , " thats so sweet of you my love , you should've just let the help do all that but I am grateful for your effort , hopefully it tastes as good as it smells "....... " miss River would you please excuse us!, my man and I would like to have a moment of privacy " she says looking at me from the corner of her eye.

" Sure ,goodnight to the both of you " I head straight for my room just as I'm about to open the door I see their bags infront of their doorstep , I move close enough to see the pamplet at the top of Ethan's bag , Rome , they went to Rome , what's so discret about rome that Ethan couldn't tell me ?, or is it because he know I've always wanted to go to rome since I was in kindergarden and so maybe he doesn't want to hurt my feelings but why would he care about my feelings to a point where he can't share somthing as  little as this with me ?, its not like I'll care that much,I always wanted to go to Rome with my significant other and he is not that so why would I care ?, Him and I aren't a thing.