erotoropia. ludus. pragma. - Caroline Black-Swan - 2

He Causes Me Pain

Not proofread! Read at your own risk! lol

I sat sullenly on the ornate desk that belonged to Carlisle. He had frowned when he had smelt my -nearly- odorless blood and ushered me inside.

"You need to be more careful," Carlisle murmured, sighing as he -once again- stitched me up. He turned to a cabinet and selected a bottle, pouring several pink pills into my palm. I swallowed them without question and ignored the oncoming headache. I slipped my right arm back into the sling bitterly, staring at the contraption vehemently.

Carlisle followed behind me as we left his office and entered the living room. The dark bags under my eyes made Esme glance at Carlisle, me, and back. The unspoken rule was that my respect was required and my instigation left at the door.

Jasper -ever so fricking gracefully- glided down the stairs, his eyes scrunched in pain. Alice accompanied him, her clothing appearing to have been stolen straight off the model on the runway.

"Ah." Jasper said, confusion clearing from his face. 

"Didn't realize I was the answer to the universe," I mumbled, covering my eyes with my hand. The bright ceiling light was worsening my constant migraine.

"I was puzzled at the amass of emotions, but it was just you," Jasper replied, settling onto a couch with Alice cozying up to him. "Have you told Carlisle about how much pain you're in?" 

Jesus Jasper. I thought venomously. "Well, he knows now." I said blandly, shooting him a look. Carlisle appeared, giving me one of his doctor check-up things; shining bright lights in my eyes -which made me nearly slap the little doohickey out of his hand- and ask on a scale of blah blah blah. 

"It's not physical pain." I snapped. "Trust me, that is long gone with the pills I took." I snickered. Jasper raised an eyebrow in concern. "Oh, hush. Carlisle gave me 'em." 

I was silent for a moment, a pillow placed strategically on my face to block the light but still enable me to speak and hear. I tapped my chest, "It hurts here. Not like heartburn or anything. I dunno. It's hurt since yesterday after the fight."

"Carlisle. It's pain from being separated from her mate." Alice piped in, her usual bright demeanor dark. I thought back, trying to recall when the pain first appeared only to come to the same conclusion as Alice.

"Alec, Jane, Felix, and Demetri-" My heart practically jumped and the pain in my chest eased for a millisecond, "all returned to Volterra," Carlisle replied. 

"And yeah. I know it's in Italy. Which is, like, on the other side of the world or something." I said, sounding miserable even to myself. "Meds don't work on it -trust me, I basically chugged a whole bottle of Ibuprofen- don't do that by the way."

"We can't take Ibuprofen you moron," said Rosalie dryly, materializing in the living room with Emmet. I guessed they had returned from hunting since they smelled like the woods. "And why would you even do that?" 

"Because I'm an idiotic teenager." I retorted with an attitude to rival Rosalie's. I sat up, an idea practically colliding with my head. "I'll see y'all around," I said quickly, rushing out of the mansion. If pain-relieving pills couldn't diminish my pain, then maybe something that eased the mind could. 

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Charlie had never requested my house key back after I moved in with Billy -who had turned out to be my blood father- and Jacob. Walking to his house was a pain in the butt considering it took me the better half of two and a half hours. When I arrived it was nearing 2 pm and Charlie's patrol car was gone. I unlocked the house and strolled in casually, slipping my Converses off and throwing my set of keys onto the hallway table. I rubbed my shoulder gently as it began bothering me, the pain coming back in little wisps. This was the perfect time to test out my brilliantly stupid idea.

I quickly sniffed the air -thanks to enhanced shifter smell!- to ensure that there were no people around. Then, I snuck to Charlie's room and popped open his glass cabinet containing his whiskey. I had been given tiny sips before of wine and champagne. It couldn't be much different.

My first mistake was pouring the whiskey into a full-sized glass. I took a swig of it, nearly spitting out the onslaught of harsh flavors. The whiskey almost had a smokey scent to it that caused my tongue to curl at the acidity. Concerningly, it wasn't terrible. I poured the whiskey into tiny shot glasses, knocking three back easily before my mind began to distort. I quaffed two more shots and my motor skills began to decline further.

My mind was now beyond a simple, pleasant buzz and into a bubbling spring of serotonin and dopamine. The whiskey had been given a place on the table as I stood shakily, laughing loudly as I almost crashed into the front door to leave. I was 83% positive my shoes were on the wrong feet and when I hit my slinged arm on the doorframe I didn't feel the pain. Along with the physical pain, the emotional tug on my heart was muted.

I wobbled down the road, a dopey grin on my face as I chuckled to myself spontaneously. A heavy feeling began settling on my head, my drunk self didn't recognize the warning of passing out. I made it to the border at the reservation before I stumbled into a tree on the side of the road, sliding down it and sitting in the pouring rain.

"It's much better this way," I slurred out loud, my eyes drifting halfway closed. "No more pain. He's not giving me more pain now." Before I fell asleep I heard quiet footsteps from the forest behind me -ones a human wouldn't be able to hear- and a disapproving voice,

"Oh Caroline, what did you do?"