Chapter Thirteen

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A/N: Content Warning: very brief mentions of suicidal thoughts. This was a heavy chapter emotionally for me to write.

I had to talk to Eddie about what happened between Billy and I at Jason's party last weekend. I had been avoiding the conversation all this time because I knew that bringing it up was going to bring up a lot of pain and undealt with issues on my part and I didn't know if Eddie was really ready to handle all my baggage. I wasn't sure I was ready to handle it, myself.

We were having another get together with all of us again at Eddie's trailer tonight. I swore to myself that I wouldn't get as drunk as I did last time. Steve was no longer allowed to touch anything that I drank tonight.

I got to Eddie's a little early so I could talk to him. I had to talk to him. I had waited far too long and Eddie had been so patient with me. He asked me constantly if I was ready to talk about it and each time I declined and each time he simply said 'it's okay, I understand. When you're ready'.

Eddie's uncle greeted me at the door. "Cassie! Come in!" Wayne stepped aside and let me through the door. "Eddie is in his room if you want to head down there. And-"

"Door stays half way open." I finished for him and smiled.

He pointed at me and smiled back. "Atta girl."

I made my way down the small hallway to Eddie's room. He already had the door half-way open so I poked my head in and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, strumming his guitar. I lightly knocked. "Hey."

Eddie looked up and smiled when he saw me. "Cas," He looked back down at his guitar before standing up and rushing to put it away. "Come in."

I stepped through the doorway and closed the door half-way behind me. "Hey," I said again. Eddie sat back down on the edge of the bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. "Sorry for being distant this week. It's just... a lot."

Eddie was silent for a moment and the silence felt deafening. "If you don't want to talk about this we-"

I raised my hand and stopped Eddie. "No, I'm ready. I need to tell you what happened."

When I was a sophomore and Billy was a junior, he randomly took an interest in me. I wasn't sure why or what it was about plain old me that he liked but he swept me off my feet from the moment he said hello to me for the very first time. I felt like a princess. I felt like those girls in the movies who fall in love and live happily ever after. He made me feel like I was the only beautiful girl in a crowded room. It was as if I'd felt happiness for the very first time.

We spent a lot of time together. I felt like I had met someone who actually understood me. He turned into the guy that child me always dreamed she would have some day. He was the first boy that I ever shared an intimate moment with. I remember sitting in the backseat of his car at Lover's Lake. I thought he was so caring and gentle. He made everything feel okay. He patched up parts of my heart that I didn't realize were damaged so badly. He made me feel like I could trust him with everything I had and maybe that was my mistake for actually giving him all of me.

A couple years before Billy came into my life, my dad fell sick with stage four lung cancer. It was one of those things that you see other people go through and think to yourself that it'll never happen to you until one day it does. My dad was sick for a while. We hoped that things would get better and for a while they did. He was showing signs of his health improving, until things took a drastic turn and the doctors told us he only had a few months left. Billy was with me through every step of my mourning which lasted much longer than I had expected it to. He visited the cemetery with me. He supported me throughout every moment; until the darkness took over my mind.

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