lucky star // jamie drysdale

26

KENDALL
AUGUST

I've been back home in New York for a week now. Which means back to working full time, which has pushed back a lot of the social media stuff I was doing. I'm still trying to post a lot but it's harder when I'm working almost every day. But I love making content and editing videos, I don't wanna stop.

Jamie and I have kept up with our promises to not reach out to each other, even though I think about him almost every day. Especially today. I just feel like today would be easier if he was here.

There's a light knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in," I answer from my vanity where I'm finishing slicking my hair back into a low ponytail.

"Hey," Mallory pushes open the door.

"Hey," I look over at her giving her a small smile.

"You almost ready?"

Today's the day of Connor's funeral. It still, somehow, doesn't feel real.

I sigh, setting down my brush, "I guess."

I'm as ready as I can be.

I did a light layer of makeup and made sure to use waterproof mascara. I'm wearing a black satin dress with a chunky knit black sweater over top just for more coverage. The top of my dress is a bit tight and revealing, not the best for a funeral but it was the only black dress I could find in my closet, that's why I added the sweater.

Mallory walks up behind me, "I'm sorry," she says wrapping her arms around me.

I put my hand on her forearm that's laying across my chest, "I just still can't believe he's gone."

"Me either," she admits giving me a squeeze before standing back up.

I grab my purse and slip on my shoes then we're both in her car headed to the place where they're holding the service.

The parking lot is already pretty full, and I watch a few people walk in as Mallory finds a parking spot. I recognize some of Connor's family next to a white SUV, his Uncle Bobby, his wife Jenna and their kids, Taylor and Leah. The girls are only nine years old and seven years old. My chest tightens as I watch Leah rub her eyes which are already red from crying.

Fuck. This is already too hard.

I knew I'd know a lot of people here because Connor and I were together for five years. I've met almost everyone in his family. And I loved them all, seeing them go through this is heartbreaking.

As soon as we walk in Connor's parents and brother are the first people I see.

His mother's cheeks are red and she's cuddling a box of tissues to her chest as she talks to someone. His father's standing beside her, looking just as distressed but obviously trying to stay strong for his wife. And then there's Andy, who looks almost exactly like Connor.

God I forgot how much he looks like Connor. They have the same curly hair and dark brown eyes, they even have the same strong build. It's like I'm looking at the Connor I fell in love with in high school.

Fuck.

Mallory and I are holding hands but I abruptly drop her hand.

"I can't do this," I say turning round and pushing through the glass doors back towards the parking lot.

My chest tightens as I try to find my breath, I can feel the tears rising.

"Ken," she quietly calls after me, following me back out the doors.