Don't regret this

18. suspicious

***

Pedri wants to concentrate on his career
He doesn't care about girls
He never dated before
That's what he said

...Pedri is gay girl

No he isn't

He is

STOP YOU ARE RUINING THE NON EXISTENT CHANCES I HAVE WITH HIM

OK I will stop
Dont be surprised tho
For when he comes out

You said you will stop !

Yeah yeah
And also
Your favorite dude
Is depressed
From all these fans
Taking pictures and videos of him when he is in his car
On the streets
Never leaving him alone
He always look so sad bro
I feel so bad for him
You can see that people are tiring the fuck out of him
His eyes bro
Heartache

I know
Breaks my heart
So much
They don't leave him alone
When he looks so sad
I want to cry

He is depressed as fuck
And potentially gay

He IS NOT gay.

I can't let all my favorite celebrities be gay. It's too much for a delusional girl like me.

"Who are you typing to ?" Asked Rafael while taking a sip from his coffee.

We saw each other yesterday and today he came to the café... but this time he stayed here even after taking his order.

He said he wanted to stay with me, but couldn't drink with so many people around so I told him to come in the break room with me while I have my back turned at him.

Altough I want to take a peek at his face... it's best for him not to get startled while having a hot drink in his hands.

"Bessie. She said Pedri is gay !"

Rafael started to choke on his coffee and caughed numerous times.

When I faced him he had his hands around his mouth to muffle his caughs.

And maybe hide his face. His mask was right under his lips so I couldnt see much of him even if I wanted to.

I slapped his back to help him and stopped when he stopped caughing.

"What happened ?!"

"It's nothing... I choked on my coffee."

"Yeah, happens to me too. Don't worry." I turned my back again and went back on my phone.

"Not gay."

"Excuse me ?"

"Pedri is not gay."

"I think so too. But we can't know for sure unless he says it himself. I will love him wether he is gay or not ! His interest in men and women isn't important to me at all."

"No, amada, listen. Pedri isn't gay. I know it."

"Ok....? I will believe you then."

I am suspicious about my boyfriend. No matter how much I listen, no one having the right to see his face can not be only about his scars.

When I look intensely at him, he gets very uncomfortable even with all these things on.

Is it because he is shy ? No. I can barely see his white skin so it can't be about his insecurities.

His scars ? Impossible. I could never even glance at them.

He acts like a criminal who can't be recognized by people in risk of getting caught.

I want to test him.

"Did you know that when you come to the café sometimes my colleagues call you the celebrity."

A huge, awkward silent made it's presence in the room.

"Is-is that so... why... ?"

"Well, because the way you dress up and act looks like a k-pop idol or a hollywood actor walking on the streets. Covered from head to toe hoping people won't recognize them."

"Really ? My first time hearing this. Haha, your colleagues have a really wild imagination ! I am nothing like a celebrity."

"Yes... I am glad you aren't one."

"...why ? I thought everybody wanted to date celebrities."

"Hm... I love some celebrities for their face and personality. But dating one ? I don't want to. It would be awful."

"Papparazzis are horrible, taking pictures of you when you are walking, not looking good, shopping."

"But they are better than people, who take their phones out to record you, I don't want stranger to record me and take pictures of me and then post them on the internet saying "look yall I saw *celebrity's name*'s girlfriend in the mall, in the supermarket, at library, park and I pass !"

"That... is horrible. I know. Trust me..."

"Your private life is over. But that isn't the worst. The worst makes you want to die... I would want to die..."

"The worst are the toxic fan girls. The girls who hate, insult and harass their favorite actor's, singer's, player's girlfriends. They insult the hell out of their girlfriends. Saying she is too ugly to be with them. Saying he deserves better. They harass these women because they are too jealous they aren't her."

"If someone wrote so many mean things about me, I would kill myself. These girls are too much for my mental health to be okay for one guy."

I sat down in front of him, he wasn't drinking, he wasn't talking. He was silently staring at the poster on the wall in front of him. His mask on.

I reached out to hold his hand and his eyes went back on mine.

I made my thumb move on small circles on his skin and spoke softly.

"If I loved him enough. I would date him in secret. For my love."

I stared and analyzed his eyes and eye brows. Wich were so familiar to me... even before I met Rafael.

"But if that celebrity lied to me..."

If his name is Rafael.

"I am not sure if I can forgive them. Do you understand me, Rafael ?"

The man before me swallowed his saliva with a nervous, even scared, gaze on his eyes.