𝑾𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑭𝑼𝑳 - 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 { ✓ }

045

WISTFUL.
[ irl ]

"mom?" bin muttered as she blinked away the tears forming in her eyes. her mother didn't respond so bin tugged on her shirt to get her attention.

"what?" her mom replied as she whipped around to face her daughter. her voice came out a tad harsher than she intended, but she didn't apologize. this lack of communication wasn't out of the ordinary, though, because she never apologized. even if she knew she was wrong.

"what do you mean you're getting a divorce?" bin asked, a lump forming in her throat form simply saying the word.

her mom rolled her eyes, "you're seventeen. you know what a divorce is. i shouldn't need to cater to you like a baby anymore, robin. i have my own problems to handle right now."

as bin watched her mother turn away from her and redirect her attention to something else, bin felt her sadness slowly turn into a fit of rage.

her mother and father filed their divorce papers two months ago. they pretended to be happy for two months. they kept this all a secret for two months.

for two months, bin thought they were finally going to be a happy family. she thought they were genuinely beginning to get along.

they bought her ice cream, they laughed together, they ate dinner together — all of which has never happened before. they never bought ice cream for her. they never laughed together. they never ate dinner as a group.

they never acted like a family.

but for the past two months, they acted like they were in a fucking hallmark movie. kindness, laughter, quality time, love. everything that makes a family feel special.

but out of nowhere, her mom just casually told her that they were moving tomorrow. she told bin that they got a divorce and bin was expected to move with her mom to new york. without explaining anything, she told her that this abnormally loving relationship that they were slowly building for the last two months was a lie. it was all a fucking lie.

tears formed in bin's eyes before she stormed up to her mom and called out her name. her mom turned around with a scoff.

"do you not give a single fuck about how anyone else feels!?" bin shouted. "all you care about is yourself!"

"robin, this isn't about you." her mom stated calmly. "your father always spoiled you. but now you need to learn that you're not going to be the center of attention forever. get over it."

"i know that." bin replied through gritted teeth. "but why couldn't you at least tell me before? why did you guys act like everything was fine?"

"it's called pretending, sweetie." her mom said bitterly.

"but why?" bin asked. "why would you pretend when you could've just told me the truth to begin with?"

"robin." her mom said, glaring down at her child with nothing but annoyance behind her eyes. "i don't have time for you right now. go talk throw your tantrum to your father. i'm busy."

bin wanted to scream. she wanted to hit something. but instead of releasing her rage, she simply spun on her heel before heading down the hallway to her parents room — where her father resided.

when she entered their bedroom, bin saw her dad sitting in the edge of the bed. he held his face in his hands, staring down at the floor.

bin initially came in here to yell at him. she wanted to get her anger out somehow and her mom clearly wasn't going to address the topic. but as soon as she saw her father in such a distressed state, bin's entire body changed emotions. rather than feeling angry at everything, she just wanted to give him a hug.

"dad?" she called out.

he looked up at the sound of his daughter's voice. his face was red and his eyes were puffy. despite this, he still offered bin a warm smile. "hey, kiddo."

bin walked over to the bed and sat beside him, feeling the mattress dip under their conjoined weight. he draped an arm over her and bin rested her head on his shoulder.

"why'd you guys pretend like everything was fine?" she asked, feeling the urge to cry. again. "you guys gave me hope in something you knew wasn't real."

her father's heart broke hearing this. he knew she was hurting just as he was. she deserved to know the truth since the beginning. but she didn't. instead, she was offered a lie to believe in. and like a moth to the flame, she clung to that lie. she cherished it and honed it as though it was the most precious thing she'd ever seen.

bin fell in love with the idea of finally having a family. a real one.

"i'm so sorry, kiddo." he apologized, his voice cracking as tears made their way to his eyes. "i didn't mean to hurt you."

"it's okay." bin said.

all her life, bin's father was the only thing holding their family together. sure, he was 50% of the problem when it came to her parents' arguments. but he was also the one who worked and supported them. when the time came, he always ended up apologizing for every single argument — regardless of how small.

"it's not." he added. "it's not okay. you don't need to pretend that everything is fine all the time, robs. you can let your feelings out when they get too much. otherwise, they'll find a way out through aggression and violence."

"but i don't want to worry people when i get sad." bin said. "if i tell them i'm upset, they'll blame themselves. i don't want that."

"when the right friend comes along, you won't have to tell them." her dad explained. "they'll just know."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
a/n : this is literally the second time i've written a chapter fully flashback #proud 🥱

anyway guys ik u all hate bin rn
but let's put our listening ears on for a sec

first of all, she struggles with apologizing because that's how her mom was. it took a lot out of her to apologize to matt in the bathroom the way she did.

second, her dad told her to express her emotions better and she obviously took his advice  to heart. but when she tries to 'express' herself, it all just blows up. she starts explaining and it just turns into an argument she never exactly wanted.

third, she's working on it i swear 🤞☺️ (i hate her just as much as yall rn but we've gotta realize all the piled up trauma she has. especially when it comes to matt because he reminds her of her childhood and how useless she was at fixing everything around her)