"Knowing what I now know about Lennox I have an opportunity to change things for the both of us. I just don't know exactly how I can do that. I think that maybe it might begin with becoming a human being to her, but I don't know exactly how such a feat is accomplished. How do I become humane to someone who openly declares me as robotic? How do I show her that I am a human being? Not just Lennox though, but how do I make my debut to the world as a human being. My entire life I thought that I would be fine in isolation but I think that Lennox, even in the short time that I have known her, has changed everything that I thought I knew about myself. I don't know what to do with this, I wish someone out there could tell me up front, face to face with me, lay out some exact blueprints. Am I really scared? No I can't be, I don't even know what I would even be scared of, if anything I'm just slightly confused about everything. I can't be scared to be seen as a human being, it's not what I've wanted all along but it's nothing to be afraid of." I close my electronic journal, I can't believe I actually still speak to this old thing, but Troy and Nika still encourage me to. Lately it hasn't been helping. I begin to speak to it, confident of what I am going to say, then shortly enough I begin tripping over myself and words that won't come then I am left in confusion.
"Ambrose?" At the cusp of four a.m. a knock along with a quiet whisper resounds at the door to my bedroom. It's strange for me to have this much energy so early in the morning and I'm sure that anyone who heard me sneaking around would be perturbed by my strange behavior. I guess that Troy was the one who heard this spontaneous early morning spree. She's been a light sleeper since being pregnant. "Are you awake?"
"Yes, I was just gonna go back to bed and see if I could get a few more hours before everyone else wakes up." I murmur looking over the edge of my loft, the rest of the room Melokuhle was there who could sleep peacefully through just about any disturbance. I should try to go back to sleep. I have about two more hours before I need to get up and every minute of sleep is precious.
"Yes you should get some more sleep. If there's anything that's keeping you awake let me know." Troy's words immediately bring the strange dreams that I have been experiencing back to life. I'm not sure I can go in much longer without telling her the truth
"Troy I keep having that dream again, the one where I wake up in that unfamiliar room, it's the same exact one every single time. I'm sitting in the middle of what seems like a pile of wires with little light running through and it feels like there's something stuck in the back of my neck. I try my hardest to pull it out and eventually when I do I'm able to stand up. Then I'm beckoned towards a barely visible light from a slit in the wall. It's a door. I make my way towards it, my body feels heavier than it ever has, but I am distracted by a sound coming from the other side of the room which pulls me back to sleep or wakes me up." Troy sits silently on the other side listening to me no matter how many times I repeated the dream. The same dream, the only dream I've ever had for as long as I can remember. There are only two things that have changed, the pattern of the sound which pulls me to reality and the color of the walls, from a celadon to a strange burgundy.
"So it's started again, maybe something similar has happened to what triggered the dream in the first place. It's kind of weird since you don't have dreams right?" She pauses for a moment. I can hear her sharply inhale either out of frustration or wishing to say something else but struggling to find the words. I wait patiently for a few seconds before I open my mouth again.
"No not one's with any story, sometimes there's flashing images of memories and maybe a few words but it's always things I've seen and heard before. Don't worry about it though, I don't even feel sleep deprived and it will probably go away in a few weeks." I let my head collapse into the spread stationary that lays below it. I can't tell whether it's frustration or exhaustion kicking in, but the upper half of my body feels completely helpless like a heap of garbage.
"Well if you're sure you're okay I'm going to go back to bed, I still have an hour of precious sleep too." As soon as she finishes I can hear her footsteps from the other side of the door slowly fading away with each step as she becomes further and further away. It becomes a timer as I have the urge to ask her more but for some reason my mouth is hesitant to open.
"Actually wait, I do have a question, could you come in please?" Despite the struggle I am able to call out to Troy and I hope that she is able to hear me, I don't feel like getting up. The footsteps stop suddenly and I can tell that she turns around when I hear the footsteps getting louder again.
"Of course." Her voice becomes more clear as the door creaks open and slowly reveals her figure hovering in the doorway. It brings me relief to come face to face with her. "What is it?"
"Do I seem like a human to you or am I more robotic?" As I speak she crouches next to me resting her arms against my desk. I eagerly await in a sea of anticipation for her to give me an answer, for the thoughts that have been racing through my head to be put to rest.
She gently throws her head back and lets out her usual dry laugh only much quieter and for a moment I forget about how vexed I am. 'Of course you're humane. What put that idea in your head?" As I thought she gives an answer that brings me some comfort as she finishes laughing.
"When I first met Lennox or the first time we actually talked she said that I was robotic and that's why she wanted to become friends with me. I didn't think too much about it at first but now it's got me thinking. If people don't see me as a human being, how could I possibly ever hope to help anyone or even fit in at least." I fumble around with my stationary struggling to find the right words, hesitant to recount the reasons. Troy takes notice of this soon enough and places one of her hands over mine and the frantic movement stops. We both let out a sigh of either relief or frustration.
"Well in that case, if it's for the sake of others rather than yourself, I think you have a noble cause right there, but Lennox doesn't know who you are and neither does anyone at school. You've gotta show them what's deeper. Be persistent about it, like only you can be. Don't let them look away until they see and if they don't accept help from you then it's them who missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Okay?" The way to help Lennox was suddenly mapped out in front of me as though someone had been listening to my humble request. Maybe I could even hope to rekindle the friendship I once had with Phenix, though that was just wishful speculation, perhaps it wasn't wrong to hope.
"Okay" A smirk stretches across my face, one that I couldn't begin to contain even if I wanted to. I gently lean into Troy and the warmth of her hand extends to my forehead. I think it's been awhile since I've been able to fully embrace a moment like this.
"Now, I'm really tired, I'll see you in a couple hours. I really need some more sleep." Troy seems to be quick to leave, I can't tell if she wishes to not linger in the moment for long. I sit in uttermost silence and the air feels usually stale and thin, and so many thoughts come to me but none linger. Yet still I sprawl arms over the table and rest my head into the pocket they formed. I looked over my arms to the window, the lights of the city were still vibrant, I guess I have some time to sleep.
Author's Note: Okay yes so I am aware that nothing really happened in this chapter that I worked ever so hard on trying to make not sound awkward. I'm just so bad at writing in the present tense everything sounds like a narration from a video game in this chapter. I tried really hard to get it to be interesting but it didn't work out. Nonetheless with all that being said lemme just use this chapter as a way to catch of up with you. I'm sure that so many interesting.thinhs have happened over the holiday season so I want you to answer this question. The question of the chapter isssss (That was a smooth segway, right? *winks awkwardly*); drumroll please; what is your favorite Christmas dessert? Even if you don't celebrate Christmas you've had to at least indulge in one these during your lifetime.
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The Cure To All Disease
Science FictionLiving by the sea he could never touch Ambrose has spent his entire life in complete solitude perfectly satisfied . Adopted by a young couple who could not have children. Suddenly all of that changes when his adoptive mother becomes pregnant. Ambro...
