PALE BLUE EYES. kurt cobain

014

It had been about 2 days since I'd seen Kurt. I hadn't gotten a call or anything. I didn't know if I still had a job at this point. I didn't blame him, honestly. If I were him, I'd never call me again either. I can't believe I ever let myself believe that he could love me. Let alone choose me over his wife. I was such an idiot.

"Hi, Mary." I decided to give my friend her long overdue phone call about what happened.

"Jesus Christ, Rory!" She exclaimed from the other line, "I was scared to death. Now I'm just confused. What's going on? Are you guys gonna—" I couldn't help but start crying. I always felt very vulnerable when talking to Mary. She was my best friend, and hearing her excitement made me shatter.

"No," I softly said, "he doesn't love me, Mary." I wiped my tears and tried to keep myself from freaking out. I've freaked out enough this week.

"What?" I could just see the sadness in her face, "Rory, what happened?"

"I- I went to his house the other day. He was acting normal, Mary. I was so happy to be there. Then, he just completely switched around on me. He's not leaving her, how could I have thought that?" I furrowed my eyebrows, confused at my own self for ever falling for that.

"Are you serious?" Mary asked, "Rory, I'm so— I'm so sorry, honey. Did he say why?"

"No, yes, kinda," I shrugged, "he said he wanted to protect me. But yet he couldn't tell me what from. I'm so confused, Mary. I'm so fucking mad at him. I want to call him and let him have it, but I know I couldn't if I tried." I let all my feelings out. It was true. No matter how much I loved him, I was so angry with him.

"I would be mad too!" She tried to make me feel better, "God, Rory. I'm so sorry. You really loved him, didn't you? I barely realized how serious this was."

"I still do," I truthfully said, "I truly do. I wish he loved me back, Mary. I've never felt this way about anyone. He's so perfect, you have no idea." I felt a couple tears roll down my cheeks, it was inevitable. I was an emotional person, sure. But, this situation wasn't an easy one.

"I wish I could help," Mary sighed, "I miss you, Rory. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine."

"I miss you too." I mutter through a cracked voice.

"Do you think you'll ever see him again?" Mary asked, a little hesitant on whether she should've asked me that or not. I thought for a moment, trying not to cloud my judgement with hopeless thoughts.

"No..." I trailed off, "I don't."

♡

About a month later, I had gotten sick of waiting for Kurt to call. I was also in desperate need of some sort of income, as all my bills were behind and I barely had a home left. Eventually, I took back my job at the diner with Mary. It was just enough for me to get by. I never really moved on from Kurt, I just got used to feeling this way. I still thought about a lot, saw him on TV so many times. I couldn't belive he was famous, he was so normal to me.

"Can we play a different station?" I call to Mary. We always listened to the classic hits station, but it got repetitive and boring. I was always wanting to listen to the rock n roll station or classic rock station.

"Ugh," Mary always preferred old 80s hits, "fine." She reached up to the radio stuffed on an old shelf and switched the dial over. I smiled, hearing my favorite kind of music. It puts me in a better mood than the same three Madonna songs in a row.

We were just getting ready to close up by this point, so we were cleaning up and making sure there were no last costumers wanting to come in as we were open for another 20 minutes. I didn't mind working with Mary, she always made work better. She was so lucky to have a family in the diner business, she's basically ensured a job.