if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 4

seungkwan didn't think this moment would ever happen.

the young boy spent his entire life pleasing people. he loved making people happy, constantly asking himself what can i do for you? things were always transactional when it came to him, whether it was friendship or even just getting his sisters to do a favor for him – though, he could dismiss that to being the youngest in the family.

so, when he first became friends with wonwoo, and the oldest wanted nothing from him than to see him happy, seungkwan didn't deny it then. he didn't deny it when wonwoo would hug him and tell him how pretty he is. he didn't deny it when wonwoo would joke around about dating him and even when he said he wished he were seungkwan's first kiss; nor did he deny it when people would almost always assume they were a couple.

what was there to deny? seungkwan wasn't the type to deny his feelings. he viewed love as a necessity, comparable to breathing in his mind. and he knew he loved wonwoo. 

and yet, his spiral was starting, almost as if on cue.

seungkwan walked up the steps leading to soonyoung's apartment, the gift box in his hand nervously shaking as his heart continued to beat faster and faster the closer he got to the door. he knew everyone was there. 

wonwoo was there. 

a part of him is cursing internally at himself for deciding to confess to the older boy today of all days, but seungkwan was just following his heart. he knew there were plenty of other opportunities to confess, but maybe this was probably the best time to do it. even if all of his friends were there. today was the day.

timing really is funny. but that's just the way things go.

as seungkwan let himself into the older boy's apartment, he looked around the dark apartment in uncertainty. just as he was about to turn on one of the lights, he screamed loudly as his friends jumped out and yelled surprise! seungkwan clutched his chest, heaving as he looked at his friends in irritation. 

"kwan, what the hell?!"

"dude, come on."

"way to go, dummy."

seungkwan rolled his eyes, taking off his shoes as he asked, "you guys literally scared the shit out of me. why am i being yelled at?!" agitation was clear in his voice as he placed his present on the coffee table in the living room

"just come over here, kwan-ah." wonwoo spoke up from behind the couch, beckoning the younger boy over with a wave of his hand.

seungkwan shuddered a breath, pressing his lips into a tight line as he moved behind the couch and crouched down next to wonwoo. they quietly greeted each other as seungkwan tried to find a comfortable position. it was hard for him to crouch down like that, so when seungkwan nearly fell on his behind, he felt the older boy's arm wrap around his waist protectively. seungkwan froze as wonwoo helped him back up.

wonwoo laughed quietly as he leaned over to seungkwan's ear, the sound sending a shiver down the boy's spine as the older boy whispered, "just sit down if you can't hold it, kwan-ah."

seungkwan swallowed the lump in his throat, looking around in distress as he said, "yeah. my bad, hyung."

"it's okay. soonyoung should be here soon."

seungkwan nodded, feeling something wash over him as he stared ahead at the couch. wonwoo still had his arm around him. he felt the little sense of confidence he had in his body rapidly drain out, slowly being replaced with restlessness.

why did he have to do this today? why did he have to start second-guessing himself right now? why did wonwoo still have his arm around him?

"seungkwan, i have to tell you something."