if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 17

seungkwan felt ashamed. he did.

the ride back home was silent. seungkwan felt himself go on autopilot the second they made it back to town. he vaguely remembered saying goodbye to his friends before he locked himself in his apartment.

it wasn't too out of the ordinary for him. for any of them, really. a week together usually warranted one or more of them avoiding the others for a while. not out of malice, but because being in close quarters with your friends for that long only forces you to remember how different all of you are. but they loved each other, so they always ended up caving and texting each other in less than a week.

this was usually the case. however, for seungkwan, with all of the extra factors, he took it to the extremes. he called off from work, he put his phone on do not disturb, and he even changed the passcode to his apartment. that last one may have been overkill, but knowing his friends, knowing his best friends, they would come barging in at any given moment in lieu of just texting him. 

and seungkwan was right to do so. for the first few days, he heard many knocks coming from his front door. he recalled that wonwoo and mingyu had the keys to his apartment, but they never used them. he assumed they knew what he was doing and decided to give him his space. eventually, the barrage of texts came less often, switching to lengthy messages telling seungkwan that his friends missed him and they hoped he was doing well. 

and once again, seungkwan felt horrible for ditching his other friends who, once again, were innocent bystanders in all of this, all of his drama.

so when seungkwan made his apparently dramatic entrance in the groupchat (all he did was say hi), his friends acted as if they had spotted the eighth wonder of the world. the reaction may have been intense, but seungkwan knew they were acting that way to ease his nerves. it wasn't the first time seungkwan disappeared on them, and it regretfully may not be the last time, so they always made sure to welcome seungkwan with open arms. seungkwan couldn't wish for better friends, and he wished he could be better for them.

seungkwan directly avoided wonwoo and mingyu's texts in the chat as their friends caught seungkwan up on the drama he missed in the past two and a half weeks. the normalcy really helped lift up seungkwan's mood. he even missed soonyoung's out of pocket remarks and vernon's blunt responses, but seungkwan wasn't the type to vocalize these thoughts. mostly because he knew his friends would clown him for it. out of affection, of course.

with some of the heavy weight lifted from his shoulders, seungkwan began to ease up on the restrictions he placed on himself. he went back to work, mostly because he missed the company of his furry friends. he hung out with his friends occasionally, listening to them gossip about an encounter they had with an annoying tourist at work or some of the latest drama in their families. 

he even changed the passcode to his apartment back to its original code, which he soon began to regret. the second he told his friends that it was back to normal, soonyoung barged into his apartment and forced seungkwan to watch horror movies with him. this would have been fine if it was only the two of them, but many of their friends barged in and raided his snack and liquor cabinets. this turned into an impromptu get together, which caused him to have a massive hangover the next day. he promised to babysit his infant nephew the next day, so it wasn't a good time for him. he thought of it as karma for ignoring his friends.

seungkwan was a little surprised that wonwoo and mingyu didn't show up at his doorstep over the next few days. they were the type to come over unannounced, loving to surprise the younger boy with food and cheesy romcoms. seungkwan himself was a hopeless romantic, so he loved watching those types of movies with his best friends. this, of course, was before he realized he had feelings for the both of them.