if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 12

seungkwan would like to say, given the new revelation that he may have feelings for mingyu, that he was mature and told the older boy about it. he would like to say that he had an open conversation with mingyu and just went about his day. he would love to say that. could he say that? of course not.

so when the group met the morning they left for their trip, seungkwan fought tooth and nail to make sure he wasn't in the same car as mingyu or wonwoo. literally jumping up and down as the group did a few rounds of rock paper scissors. needless to say, when seungkwan ended up in the quiet car with jihoon, minghao, and vernon, he was ecstatic.

seungkwan spent the entire car ride sleeping in the backseat. his friends spent the entire car ride quietly conversing, the radio playing music softly in the background. the sound was welcomed as seungkwan tried to gather his thoughts.

after he ate lunch with mingyu the other day and the crazy thoughts started swirling around in his head, he left before wonwoo could come back from his visit with his family. the older boy objected out of confusion, but seungkwan ignored him as he left the older boy's apartment.

seungkwan spent that week hanging out with the couple as little as possible, but not enough that it would raise suspicion. he made sure to answer their texts and let them into his home whenever either of the two older boys barged in. whenever they weren't around, he would fall back into the slump he grew so accustomed to, sliding into his bed to sleep and lying awake for a few hours as he cursed at himself.

why mingyu? why now?

seungkwan thought it was insane. he had just rejected mingyu's advances a month ago, and now there he was, pining after his two best friends like a loser. a little loser who couldn't figure out if he was getting his affection for the older boy jumbled up with the jealousy he felt seeing the two of them together. did he even like mingyu, or was he just losing his mind?

seungkwan didn't want to think about them, though. he had lost a lot of sleep in the past week, and he just wanted to rest. he knew he wouldn't have much opportunity to rest that day.

in his half-asleep state, seungkwan didn't notice minghao pulling into a parking garage and parking the car. just as he was beginning to doze off, he heard a loud knock on the window he was leaned against, startling him as he shot up in his seat. he looked out of the window with a glare, his gaze faltering as he saw mingyu crouched down next to the window with a sheepish smile.

seungkwan pursed his lips as he quickly sat back, knocking into jihoon, who raised an eyebrow at him. seungkwan quickly apologized to the older boy, turning back to the door and seeing mingyu still staring at him. he looked annoyed as he gestured for mingyu to step back, the older boy nodding softly as he stepped away.

seungkwan climbed out of the car, coming face to face with mingyu. the older boy took a few steps forward, running a hand through seungkwan's hair as he softly asked, "did you sleep? you look tired."

seungkwan looked up at mingyu, his eyes widening as he clamped his mouth shut and audibly gulped. he wasn't sure how to respond, so he just chose to act annoyed.

seungkwan shoved mingyu's hand away with a laugh, rolling his eyes playfully as he joked, "yeah, but your dumb face woke me up."

mingyu knew what seungkwan was doing, but he just went along with it. the older boy breathed out a laugh as he said, "my bad, kwannie. you could probably sleep when we get to our room."