Of Broken Hearts and Tears

Chapter 18

Zayan couldn't get everything off his mind whatever he did. He was trying to study a case report in his office but everything just went over his head. He leaned back in his chair and yawned heavily. He hadn't had much sleep last night. He had been so worried about Areesha that he had actually ended up calling her.

"Hello? Areesha?" He said instantly as soon as she picked up his call.

"Salam. Zayan is everything alright?" Her worried voice came from the phone.

"Are you okay? H-how is Fawad?" He asked her tentatively.

"That's why you called? We left just an hour ago." Areesha said to him teasingly.

"Yeah, I just wanted to check up on you. You reached home safe didn't you?" He asked her again to be sure that she wasn't hiding anything.

"Yeah obviously we did otherwise I wouldn't have been here talking to you." Zayan could practically hear the amusement in her voice.

"Don't say that." He muttered to her.

"Zayan what's wrong? You are clearly hiding something. Is this about Maya? She's fine you know. She went to bed." Her voice turned teasing again.

"N-no of course its not." He muttered quickly.

"Riiight!" She dragged the word as if she was clearly not believing him. That was definitely his sister and now he was sure that everything was alright there.

"Okay bye. I'm gonna hang up now." He said quickly before she could tease him more of his non-existent feelings.

"Yeah you heard what you wanted to hear. " she said with a snort.

He had missed telling her the most important part of it all that he didn't like Maya.

Zayan straightened in his chair and cursed himself for not sleeping properly last night. His head was pounding so badly.

Fawad had messaged him earlier asking him when he would be coming. He hadn't bothered to reply yet but he knew he couldn't stall it forever.

He still hadn't moved on from Leya so how could he get married to someone else. He would never be able to forget her. It was impossible for him to. The bond they shared was amazing but it had caught the evil eye.

He knew Maya was a nice girl. But she deserved better than him. He knew he would never be able to commit to her fully when his heart belonged to someone else. He knew he would never be able to give her the live any girl deserved. He had lost his belief in that kind of love now. He knew relationships were to break one day and so he had lost all interest in making new ones.

His mother had talked to him about marriage multiple times but he had refused without even seeing the girls.

But how could he let his sister suffer because of his selfish decisions

He didn't want to say yes. He couldn't give any girl the place of his life partner.  He was in love with Leya and he knew no girl would match her. He still had nightmares of the day when she had died and Areesha's time in the hospital had just bought those nightmares back with full force. Except they weren't his nightmares of repressed fears they were his memories which he couldn't erase no matter what he did.

How was he supposed to take care of another girl when he could hardly pick up his own pieces. It had been around three years and a seven months since she had passed away but that day was etched in his mind like it had happened yesterday. 

True he had improved a lot since that time. When she had died he had gotten into depression and it took lots of spiritual classes and therapy that bought him back to life. But he still hadn't healed properly. He was still scared of falling in love with anyone which he was sure he would never as his heart belonged to one person only. But he still had to be on the guard.

His previous assistant had developed a crush on him and because of her underhand slutty ways he had fired her. He had never let any girl who looked at him that way a meter within his radius. How would he protect himself if he got married?

He needed a plan to back out of this situation without his sister being hurt. Without his heart breaking again.

He leaned back in his chair and stretched his sore muscles. What had he gotten himself into?

It was almost like he was being punished for doing something good. He didn't regret it, he had saved an innocent girl from being ruined by the will of Allah. He knew the reaction from Fawad wasn't that unreasonable as Maya hadn't denied anything and he could only believe what he saw with his own eyes. He knew it hurt him as Maya was his sister and he loved her a lot and that was why he hadn't said anything about it either. He knew that finding out the worst thing would hurt him more. He knew that self disappointment one gets very well.

Sometimes hiding such things was better in his opinion and it wasn't his place to share it anyway so there wasn't much he could do. 

He was hoping that with time Fawad would forget it and its not like he saw Maya every other day. But then again what happened the day before made Fawad's doubts increase. He knew he shouldn't have asked her anything but he needed to know that she was fine considering no one else could check up on her.

He hated how Fawad was taking this whole thing to a new level. He did understand that he just wanted security for his sister and Fawad thought what he was doing was right. He needed to get out of this thing and he was so scared for Areesha. 

He just hoped that these were his fears and there was nothing like that in reality but doubts always managed to creep in. 

He loved his sister more than anything and he couldn't make her suffer. 

His eye flitted towards the now cold coffee on the table. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten his cappuccino which was his secret- not so secret anymore- love. He took the cup and drank a sip while his fingers absentmindedly traced the rim.

He could just hope against hope that they would forget everything with time but who was he fooling. This was nothing to be forgotten.

Suddenly it occurred to him like a light bulb switched o in his brain.

His worries were pointless.

Maya would refuse even if he didn't. So he would ask his mother to take the proposal to their house and get it over with. That way Maya would be the one refusing and Fawad wouldn't think of it as his fault.

That was it. 

That's what he was going to do.

He smiled to himself, probably looking like a retard smiling in alone in his office but who cares? He would get rid of this issue soon and everyone would move on with their lives hopefully. 

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