Female ✔️

11: greenhouse of realization

"Goddess dammit, could you be any slower?" The younger voice is tainted with annoyance and disgust. I don't pay him even a glance as I smirk and shake my head. I take my time potting the little plant and pressing down the rich soil with the pads of my fingers, deliberately slowing down to annoy one of Jack's younger brothers; Jermayne. I remember back to the day I met him, his stormy eyes unamused and angry. "It's just a fucking plant." 

"Calm down." I tell him like I know all, like I never ever lose my own temper. "It's a living thing and all living things deserve respect." I quote his own father, mostly just to spite him.

Jermayne growls at me and angrily dumps dirt into his pot and proceeds to water it. Despite his jerky and aggressive movements, the pots he assembles look very nice and healthy. I don't tell him this though.

Instead, I let my eyes wander over the vast greenhouse that smells of fresh soil and flowers, almost insultingly so, but in the past few days I have grown used to it. It's warm and content in here, the vibes good, very connected with the Earth. I have drifted from Mother Nature lately, I realize this. I think gardening will help bring me back to her caring and influential ways once again.

"You aren't supposed to-"

"Water them?" I cut him off, as I held my hand on the watering pot, preparing to move it to the lower shelf. "I know. Not until the dirt sets. I'm just moving the can."

He lowers his eyes back to his own plant with a angry grumble.

"I'm not as stupid as you think, just because I am a female-"

"Shut the fuck up with that female bullshit. You're here now, not at your old pack. Okay? We don't beat or rape our females here. We treat each other as normal wolves like we all are. Stop acting like we all do or something, because we don't. Get it?" The conversation takes a nasty turn that turns the blood running in my veins cold. I recount my repetitive choice of speech, the things I want to say all the time. 

Lifting my lip, bristling as I try to contain my anger, clutching the edge of the wooden shelf.

"Looks like you don't even have to go back there for awhile so what does it matter anyways? There isn't anything you can do about it." He works at the plastic starter pot, pressing the heel of his palm in to loosen up the roots before repotting. The male's brows are furrowed in focus.

I look at him, really taking him in. I don't know what it is or why I even bother, but I just start laughing. I let out all my giggles until tears rush to my eyes and I'm clutching my belly.

Then, like a bridge, my tears aren't very happy anymore and instead they're implored by sobs that hurt my chest and make me quake. I stoop down to the floor, my legs no longer holding me up, burying my face in soil stained hands as life pours out of me in salty drops.

It's true. I am safe here, I can stop thinking about the old life here in my new life. The thing is though, I will have to go back someday. Temporary exile hangs over my head. I will have to return to that nightmare someday. It hits me like a fist to the chest, collapsing my ribs, piercing my lungs, letting the fluid flood in, drowning in my own blood. Deafening heart beat becomes a dead bass in my ears and I feel hands on my arms, grabbing me up, pulling me into a hard chest that radiates warmth.

"What did you say to her!" A deep male's voice, fabric muffling my sorrowed noise as I try to thrash.

"Shh..." Stroking my hair, rubbing my back, gentle and supportive. I slowly dull my movements to a tremble and with much effort control the hiccups.

I look up and I'm swaddled in a blanket in front of the fireplace in John's library. I sniffle and rub my nose, this is all so confusing, tricking my brain.