Female ✔️

24: our goodbyes

Opening my eyes I look out over the Sea, arms wrapped around myself. I am standing at the best viewpoint of the Ocean, one I had found my first night on Brine's Peak, two Winters ago. A night I shared with Jack in our wolf forms. A good amount of height between me and the power of the swells below, a power willing to steal and also heal. The salty wind billows up, pulling my hair into wavy tangles that brush over my face that is no longer so round and childlike. The dark locks are longer now, reaching my low back in staggered curls. Sometimes I braid it, not today. Today it is free from any constraint.

I am thinking of John's mate and first son, how they were stolen by the Sea only eight Winters ago. How one thought Jack wasn't ever supposed to be Alpha, when in actuality, it was only ever supposed to be him. The Moon never makes mistakes, she never takes a soul without purpose, just as she never gives one without meaning either.

I have figured John's purpose, being such a good and dedicated lone father, a trait he wouldn't have achieved without loss. Jack's is to be Alpha. Evelyn's is to keep peace and provide. I just haven't quite figured out my own yet.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" The voice that echos out to me over the distant crash of waves doesn't surprise me, even though I couldn't smell or hear him coming.

"I had to." I reply, not turning to face him. I am scared I will smell the pup on him, and that might be worse than leaving.

"Just because I found my mate, doesn't change how I feel for you. I am still in love with you, even though she's here, it's just evolved into a different type of love... One I can't explain, but it is so present, and..." His voice dies off, sounding more sad than I've ever heard from him before.

"I know, Jack." I don't move as he approaches, taking my face in his large hands. He's so much taller, stronger, powerful. I can taste it, the Alpha in him has awaken. "I know." Whispering into salty air, watching pain twist his features that he has never hidden from me.

"My first love." He smiles sadly and I mirror the expression, pressing my palms over the top of his. I imagine the exchange in our wolf forms, greedy to shift after so much time without. "You have taught me so much, Tana."

"And you to me, Jack." I close my eyes momentarily, ignoring instinct to feel. "I mean, I can wear clothes like a normal wolf now." We both laugh lightly, he's shaking his head. His Greek looking black curls falling over his forehead.

"I'm going to be a good father. I promise you." Voice thick with his emotion, he pauses heavily before continuing. "Do you want to know his name?"

My eyes cast down and I can barely contain their watery state. Shaking my head firmly, I detach from every emotion and prospect that reaches for that pup.

Sighing softly, he pulls me closer, wrapping strong arms around my neck, one holding the back of my head. It's a position that demonstrates his dominance, making my skin prickle in unease and irritation, but I smother it down in order to enjoy this last moment. I inhale his pine musk, press my lips to the fabric of his shirt to murmur a small "Goodbye." Before I pull away and start back towards the pack house. With each step, I feel heavier and heavier. No longer a female made of wings and possibility, I am a female with rusting weights around my ankles. They're breaking, slowly but surely with my daily wear and tear.

---

The car that pulls up brings a strong sense of deja vu. It's the same one, and it smells of dust and sage, just like I remember the South's scent to be. It rolls to a stop in front of the pack house I consider home. Everything is dying and dull, trees wilting and leaves falling. The grass is dark in the fading light, everything smells of wood smoke and salt. Ominous as the dark sky without any stars to show as the Ocean's storm clouds have rolled over.