Dead Boy Walking (Puke)(PercyxLuke)

I've Thought About Killing Myself

Luke

Outside of Chiron, Percy was the only one that knew about Ram. If that didn't mean anything, I don't know what did.

We've gotten close over the past few weeks, though. And a few more days went by and I noticed how... Comfortable I was with him. I mean, I never really had to watch what I said aside maybe wording for a thing or two so it wasn't confusing, you know. I could relax and be me with him. Which I am with others, of course. But with him there just isn't secrets. If he asks, it comes out. If I want to say it, it comes out just like it's natural, and I haven't felt like that around somebody since Ram did what he did.

Ram was my best friend. He was my boyfriend. But because he's parents were homophobic, they never knew. And they both worked Graveyard and morning shift, so it's not like they ever found out when we slept together. Which we always did, but it'd be more intimate and it always felt more special when his parents were gone and working. I was there most days of the week, basically lived there. Mom knew we were dating. She knew we were together. She didn't really care. She's bisexual, so she never freaked out to find out I had a boyfriend.

Mom understood that she worked a lot and we lived on a bad road so for me to stay with him wasn't the worst idea. She always said that if I wanted to go there it was fine. And that's one thing I was grateful about with my mom. But that was when she's sober, when she's sane, and that wasn't often. She wasn't fit to raise a kid. She knew that, too.

I don't know how she reacted when I ran away. But I imagine she understood why. My boyfriend had killed himself.

To be honest, I'm aware that people like me here. I act like I'm oblivious to it, but I'm not. Leo likes me, he's obvious about it. Half of the Aphrodite cabin always has. A few others that actually like me are spread out here and there.

Percy I couldn't quite tell, though. He was we open and as comfortable as I was, but I wasn't sure if that was because he was just glad that he didn't have to put a wall up around me and could relax, too. Or if he was so comfortable because he took a liking to me.

Because to be honest, I had taken one to him, sure. And that kind of scared me because he was open and honest about being suicidal and I don't want to start investing myself into him and then have him turn around and kill himself. If you get why, it's not that hard.

Because I kid you not, we were behind his cabin, at the beach. It's a small beach area, hidden. Well, not really. Everyone knows about it, but it's just not popular because you have to walk over sea glass to get here. But he gave me a pair of sandals and we were fine. Relaxing on the beach, I was laying down and he was, too. But his head was on my chest, just around my heart. It was silent as we both looked out to the ocean. And on the occasion I'd glance at him, too.

He was so cute when he was relaxed, though. I couldn't help myself.

"What?" Of course, Percy noticed my glances after a while.

"What?" I returned, not realizing what he meant.

"You were looking at me." He explained. "But like only every few minutes."

"Oh, just thinking." I excused.

"About what?"

He's a curious son of Poseidon, I'll give him that much. It's not a bad thing, just embarrassing at times.

"Just the past few days," I explained to Percy," how our relationship has changed."

"Relationship?" Percy further questioned," you make it sound like we're dating."

"Okay, friendship," I clarified. "The relation between you and I."

"Well I never said it was a bad thing."