Dead Boy Walking (Puke)(PercyxLuke)

The Hardest Thing You'll Ever Do

Luke

Dinner felt... Weird.

Like, the others didn't really talk and when they did it seemed really awkward and thus we didn't say much and I think Percy's anxiety was acting up a little bit because he had the same thought I did:

Somebody told them about us.

Now for me, I didn't really mind. But Percy isn't out, he's still not the most confident person about his sexuality. For somebody to out him, that terrified him.

Even better: Grover pulled him away after dinner.

Percy

I was moments away from an anxiety attack, and I was trying so hard to stay calm, I really was. I needed to do something. I was freaking out. But Luke had Riptide.

And then Grover said he wanted to talk with me. Alone.

Yeah. That was a heart attack in 3 seconds.

"What's up?" I asked my best friend, hoping he had news for me and not questions or whatever. I'm not confident. I love Luke, I really do. It's not being out with him that terrified me. It's being out with a guy. Because that means I'm gay and... If my school wasn't nice about it, gods know what these guys would say about it.

"You know, I'm not exactly sure." Grover told me as we walked towards the canoe lake. That place could usually calm me down. Grover knew that by now. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad that he was taking me there. "I mean... You know I'm here for you, man. Right?"

Don't fucking start this. Please.

"Yeah," I insisted." I mean, duh."

"Are you sure?" He questioned my answer, which gave me more anxiety. "Because I really don't think you know that, Percy."

"Why not?"

And as I said, I was on the verge of losing it. Whether I'd break down and cry, or freak out and start hyperventilating, I wasn't sure yet. It was a bit of both in my head.

"After you freaked out at breakfast that one day," Grover reasoned to me as we both sat down on the doc. It was empty. Night time. "I started to think a little bit, and today, after you left lunch, I was told some interesting things by a couple guys you go to school with."

I remained silent. I was fucking terrified.

"They insisted that along with the whole you're doing bad in school," my best friend told me. "That you would skip at least three classes every day. Because of kids in the classes. Said they were just mean. Picked on you, called you out, called you names, some of which people call you here in a playful manner. That every once in a while, you would get best up and do nothing about any of it. Because you're not the smartest kid in school and because there's a rumor in your school that you could be gay."

I was so still and so silent, it was the only thing that kept me together.

"They told me that if you ever decided to kill yourself, nobody would be surprised."

That's because I've tried to. During school. Kids thought it was a stupid rumor and never reporter it, but I did actually try.

And I felt like shit for so many reasons at that point. Because he was right. They call me out and they call me things that get under my skin and taunt me and they'll best me up and I do nothing. I skip class. They could kill me. I wouldn't try to fight back because I just...

I don't know. I just wouldn't.

And the fact that after years he had to pull me off to the side and ask me about it? That just showed how shitty of a friend I am.