If There's Something

Chapter 33

 I felt my body being lifted and the cold breeze hit my body, making me shiver. I peeled my eyes open even though I didn't want to and found Micah's fearful eyes staring down at me.

"Far," Wes's voice came from behind him. "Wake up."

I clutched onto Micah's t-shirt, fear surging through me. What had I done? Had I really thought about ending my life? Had I actually allowed myself to stay underwater while I had a concussion? What was I thinking? After Aunt Marya had given her heart to her son so that we could be together. After Wes had spent his whole life looking after me. After Micah had befriended me and made me have the best summer ever. After Levi had treated me so good even after I rejected his feelings for me. How could I have not thought about them?

"You scared the shit out of me," Micah whispered to me then turned to face Wes. "She's awake."

"Farren-" Wes touched my cheek and I closed my eyes against the warmth of his hand. "Don't leave me like that again."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, choking and then tears started streaming down my face.

"Let's get you out of the water," Micah carried me out of the lake and I felt my heart stop when I saw Rush standing near Pepper.

Did he care about me or had Wes said something to him? Levi said something to him and he took his shirt off, revealing his biceps through the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. Levi quickly brought the shirt to us and Micah put me down so he could drape the shirt over my shoulders.

"We need to get her warm before she gets sick," Wes pulled me into a hug. "Please don't ever do that again."

I nodded against his chest, tears still burning my eyes. I didn't know what to think anymore. My head still hurt and I still felt dizzy. I held onto Wes, praying I wouldn't faint.

"Levi, bring Pepper back," Wes told Levi as he lifted me onto his horse. "I'll bring her home. Micah, I think you should go home and dry off. Thanks a lot for tonight."

Micah nodded and looked at me, asking whether I would be okay. Unable to react, I looked away. I felt embarrassed now that the situation was dawning on me.

"I'll call you later," he said before mounting his horse and riding off in the opposite direction.

None of us spoke on the way back. Levi rode ahead of us, Pepper at his side. Wes rode in the middle, holding me in front of him so I wouldn't fall off and Rush rode behind, silent as ever. I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to say. I wished I could blame him but I couldn't. It had been my stupid mistake – running away and getting into the water. No matter how I looked at it, it was my fault, not his.

As we rode in silence, I thought about what Micah had said. I deserved the world. I deserved to be loved the way I loved Rush and if he couldn't give it to me then it was time to rethink things. After Rush had pushed me away, it got me thinking. Maybe it wasn't just him who wasn't ready for a relationship, maybe I wasn't ready either. Maybe we both needed time to think and time apart. I knew I'd always love him and that I wouldn't be able to love anyone else the same way but he hadn't told me he loved me and maybe it was for the best. Maybe we didn't belong together. Maybe I was better off alone.

When we got home, Wes made me have a hot shower before I dried off and he tucked me into bed like he used to when we were kids.

"Let's not talk about tonight," I whispered as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"I was thinking about leaving tomorrow," he told me and I felt my heart sink. "I think you should come with me. We'll get an early start with packing and we can go find apartments in Chicago before Micah and Levi come. What do you say?"