In the Arms of an Angel..

13 Years after

Kissing her was one of the best things I had done in my life. She is intoxicating. I just cant get enough of her. When I put here hair down, it was a miracle I didn't take her then and there. She is beautiful. Her eyes clouded with confusion, shock, hesitation, passion pierced right in to my senses. The more she tries to fight it, I want it more. I want her.

Yes, she belongs to me, that's what my senses are screaming. She fits perfectly in my arms. Her lips meet perfectly with my lips. Her body is made for me.

But I know, with all the things she was trying to drill down in my head, nothing short of marriage will work with Zahra. And the realization, I am not yet ready to marry settled in. So with physical and mental pain, I pulled away from her.

"Is there anyway you can give me yourself short of marriage?" I need to know.

"I should be angry with you for insulting me like that. But no, nothing short of marriage is acceptable. And you are not ready to marry. I understand. In time to come, things might get difficult Joe. So, just leave it as it is. I have some great memories of you. And remember me fondly. But don't make it more complicated that what it is now"

"I am not ready for marriage" I told her.

"Neither am I asking you to marry me. No, that is never my intention. This feeling you have for me will pass on. There are many beautiful, nice girls out there. One day, you will find someone special. But sadly, we both know, it isn't me"

She is right. The man I am now can deal with Zahra, but the man I was and the man I will become can not. She is too naïve , too innocent, trusting, loving and all things that are good which can lead me to my gallows. I need someone who is equally ruthless and hard as me.

"Thanks for everything you did for me. I truly appreciate it. Our paths will cross again Zahra, I assure you. Call me if you need anything" with that I quickly kissed her forehead, grabbed my things and left without a glace.

And 5 years after I cant believe I am thinking of this.

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I let him go. I watched him walk away. I waited until the door is closed, and then I cried. I cried for what it could have been. I cried for the man I am having feels for. I cried for the time we spent. I cried for the times we will not be spending together. And I cried because I am doomed. No man is going to be good enough for me ever again.

And 5 years after I cant believe I am thinking of this.