I AM (Connor X OC) - DBH

Chapter 44 - Promises

Hey everyone!!!

So I want to thank @deadlyspikes for voting on every chapter. That's pretty damn amazing, and I really appreciate it. You guys have no idea how encouraging it is to see the activity on the story. It keeps me writing.

On that note though, I've been thinking that soon I may need to take a break. I want to write a bit for my other 3 books, but it's not just that. I have a bit of writer's block. It's not that I don't know where to go...I know exactly what Charlotte and Connor are going to do next. I just don't know how to write it.

Don't worry though! The break won't be soon. I have several chapters saved up, and even more that I'm writing. It's just...this one certain point that I'm pretty stuck with. Anyway guys, thank you again. Y'all treat your author too well.

--Andrea Elk

~

Everything slowly went white, and then I was suddenly at the Zen garden. Directly in front of Amanda.

"Wouldn't that have been a nice end? You just die with Connor right there," she said.

I gasped for the air in the Zen garden.

"But no. That's not how this works," she said, taking out her pistol. "You don't die like that. You die here with me. You damaged your biocomponent...not destroyed it. You're stuck here."

She handed the pistol to me. "I'm going to leave here. Then, this place will start to die. The sun won't rise again, and everything will go dark. But you'll still be stuck here."

"Why are you doing this?" I begged.

"Connor was a mistake, and he will be punished duly. His death will be quick though. Immediate. You...you will pay. You were my largest mistake. You set this all in motion," she said, extremely upset with me.

"I didn't do anything," I answered.

"You did everything. Connor? He was designed to become deviant. You always were. You just had me to reckon with," she spat. "Whenever you're ready to say goodbye to yourself...just press that gun against your head and fire. Then...sweet obvlion.

She turned away from me. "Goodbye, now, Charlotte," she said, exitting the garden.

~

Everything is dead. The snow never stopped, and the sun never rose again. Everything is gone. The koi floated to the top of the pond. I can see their dead bodies through the sheet of ice if I use the bare moonlight. The trees and flowers have turned brown, the moisture from the snow is making them into mush. The only thing left here is me, and the pistol. Sometimes, I think it's talking to me. Begging me to end this purgatory...but I can't.

Connor promised me, and I think he would hate me if I ignored whatever hard work he's putting in to find me a new biocomponent. It's all I can think about, and thinking is something I'm good at. I can tell because sometimes the snow melts in my joints and my limbs will freeze to one another, because I've been sitting there thinking for so long.

I don't know how long it's been. My chronometer is broke. I just know its been long enough to kill shrubbery, but with snow like this, it's impossible to tell. Every day though, I stare at this pistol. If I fire it, then I end my AI system, and I can leave this hellscape. If I don't, then I wait until I finally do. Sometimes, I think about playing Russian Roulette, until I realize that it's not a revolver.

The only thing keeping me going is Connor. I know Connor. I know that Amanda didn't get the best of him. I know he's trying to rescue me. I know that our people are safe. I'm also thankful for finally being able to think completely free. Unfortunately, there's not much to think about except for everything I'm missing. You build up quite an active imagination when it's you're only source of entertainment. In my head, everything is fine and dandy. We got our rights, all the deviants survived, and life moved on. I know that's unlikely, but hey a girl can dream. Oh my God. I can dream.

Fuck yes!

And I can swear!

Fuck yes!

Sometimes...this deviant thing can be fun. Other times I'm reminded of the pistol, and get dangerously close to pulling that trigger. Honestly, it's very tempting. It makes you want to end it all when the only things still alive are you and it. I know the pistol isn't really alive...but it sure feels like it is. Like it's trying to tell me something.

Oh god. Now I'm repeating myself. I've been sitting here for too long. I stand up and stretch my arms and legs. The ice inbetween them shatters and falls to the ground. I pick up the pistol and take it with me as I walk around the Zen garden. Each day the moon light fades a bit more, and I know that one day, I'll have to just stand here in complete darkness, unable to even watch the snow fall.

I cross the bridge and sit on the bench, placing the pistol to my right. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to see the sun rise again.