I AM (Connor X OC) - DBH

Chapter 75 - The Second Element

And I missed.

Kind of...

I managed to catch him by his ankles, but he's on fire. There's no way I can manage to pull him. It's not like Nick can catch him.

Everything is burning so quickly. Everything. There's no way I can do this. My own skin is melting into his.

"Oh my God!" Nick said. I could hear his feet pound as he ran to get closer and see if he could do anything. I pulled but I could feel the internal wires snapping and cracking inside of Silvio. His leg will just break right off.

Nick looked in horror, and Silvio's body snapped...and he fell. Burning. I lifted up my hand.

"Fuck!" I screamed jumping back. My hand had melted into part of his leg, and not to mention I fucking failed.

"Shit! Shit!" I yelled angrily. Nick paced back and forth, dragging his fingers through his hair.

"I fucking failed. I fucking failed!" I yelled. Nick sighed.

"No. You didn't. There are just some people you can't save," Nick sighed.

"Fucking lie!" I yelled back. I looked down at my melted hand.

"Fuck this honestly! Fuck!" I yelled.

This is bullshit. Honest to God, bullshit. "C'mon. Let's get you to my sister," Nick answered.

"No! Fucking no!" I screamed.

"You have his LEG on your ARM!" Nick responded yelling.

"I fucking know!" I screamed back.

"Charlotte! Pull yourself together!" Nick yelled, walking back towards me.  He took my hand and ripped the leg off of it. All of my wirings came loose, and all that was left of my hand was my index finger and my thumb. Other than that, mechanical pieces, blue blood, and wires.

"Fuck!" Nick yelled. Nick grabbed me by my hand and pulled me up. "We're leaving!"

Nick grabbed me and pulled me into the elevator, then the moment it arrived back the first floor, he threw me out of it, and just stared at me. "Now, listen up! I know this shit can be hard but you just can't save everyone."

"I know that," I answered sighing.

"And yet you still want to?"

"Of course I do!"

"Well...think about it this way. You made the grab. You tried your best. There was no changing the physics and the science of how things played out. You did what you needed to do. There's nothing more than a cop can offer," he explained. As if he knew, Connor walked in immediately. He looked at me and sighed deeply. Then he noticed my hand.

"What happened?" He asked, rushing over to me. 

"I tried to make the grab, but...things happened."

"Things?" Nick asked, sarcastically. "Things? Your hand is gone."

Connor ran over and got a good look at what exactly could be done.

"You need some fixes, but also a #P0182, a replacement part for your hands."

"I don't really care right now," I explained to him. Connor looked a bit disappointed. 

"I'm sorry. It should've been me up there," he said, sighing. "You never would have felt like this if he had gone down on my watch."

"Oh. Yes. So you could feel worse about yourself? Perfect."

Connor frowned for a moment. He thought for a moment, before finally speaking. "Charlotte...not everyone can be saved."

"Except me. You know I was lucky to have been given this second opportunity," I said, suddenly feeling...guilt? Yes. Guilt. Guilt for having the luck and the ability to have Doctor Lance spend a month of her time on. Guilt for having Connor here, by my side, all the time. Guilt for every opportunity afforded to me since I woke up. 

I was incredibly lucky to wake up. I was lucky. I pushed past Connor and Nick, out the doors past Gavin and Hank, and finally, past the crowd of people and cops now surrounding Silvio's ashes. I started walking, placing my hand in my pocket. Maybe that way no one will notice I'm an android. Maybe. Maybe no one will know how lucky I am. 

Since I've woken up, I've noticed things about how everyone walks. Connor is very deliberate, yet he's light on his feet and seems to know exactly where to go. Nick lacks a pattern, and he almost skips. Despite how he near skips, his steps are heavy and defined. Hank is slow, with large, broad steps, but they maintain some stability with a pattern. Markus is soft, casual, and evenly paced, but his steps aren't so deliberate. Markus seems to walk in whichever way the wind will take him. North is specific where her steps, knowing where to go, but lacking any sort of definition or weight to them. Christen is specific but extremely gentle and extremely underweighted. She doesn't pace herself, but she maintains a pattern. Fiona has heavy steps, that are deliberate. She seems clunky, and unagile. Even Gavin has a specific set of steps. Gavin is heavy and aggressive. He lacks a pattern and pace.

Although none of these are incredibly unique, they each speak to everyone's personality. Connor always knows his plan, and yet is flexible, and responds easily. Nick is generally happy, energetic, and has difficulty understanding how to restrain himself. He also, however, when in a situation, reacts. Note, he does not respond, he reacts. He reacts strongly. Hank is...an alcoholic, but he has an amazing ability to be supportive of one someone. Markus is casual and calm. North is planning, but never too far in advance. Christen is kind, and more like her brother than she would like to admit. Fiona acts far more mature and older than she is. Gavin is immature, and has no self control, especially over his anger.

All of these people have their things. Their walks and their personality. But what am I? My walk isn't specific, and neither is my personality. In fact, sometimes I think they both change other day. I'm nothing. Nothing but a lie to myself and to the androids that all of us are deviant. Is deviancy feeling like Silvio? According to Nick, it's what makes us human. So...then why...am I so not...