Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

19 Years, Three Months and 27 Days Ago

19 years, three months and 27 days ago:

It was just after breakfast time when I heard the rap on the door. I shuffled over and opened it to see Casimir's brilliant blue eyes fastened in a piercing stare into mine. He looked just the same as he did all those years ago when we were both still childish and naive and hopelessly in love. I blinked twice to clear the tears in my eyes. What is wrong with me? And why does Casimir still have this effect on me?

"Good morning," I began cautiously.

"Amethyst. Can I speak to you?" He didn't repeat my greeting. I knew it was just a small thing, just two words of "good morning", but it still hurt a lot. Why was he that curt to me? Was that how he saw me now, just another person who he didn't want to waste his breath on?

I nodded to answer his question, not trusting myself to speak with the lump in my throat. I held the door wider for him to enter.

"In the garden."

I gave a tiny "Oh" and nodded again meekly, even though I didn't want to revisit the garden with him. There were too many sweet memories shared there. I was afraid I would break down when I remembered the way his hand felt in mine or his soothing voice pronouncing my name.

Compose yourself, Amethyst!

He didn't offer his arm, so I followed him out of my chambers. I stared at the back of his head as we walked. I still love you, Casimir. But you've forgotten a long time ago.

"Amethyst." He turned around to face me once we were in the garden, out of earshot. "How have you been?"

I flinched as he lifted his hand to graze the dark circles under my eyes. His touch was so gentle, it was comforting, like the tender kiss of warm seawater. I missed him. His touch. His gentleness. His everything. How have I been? I've been terrible. I've been heartbroken. I've been spying on your evil bride and slapping her in the face afterwards.

But of course I couldn't say that to him. "I've been fine," I lied stiffly. "And you?"

"Fine."

I shifted my head awkwardly under his penetrating gaze. What happened to the secrets we whispered under the sun? What happened to the care and affection? What happened to us?

"I forgive you." He finally said, breaking the silence.

My head snapped up. What? What was he saying? Him? Forgive me? Was that what he said or did I hear him wrong? He had to be asking for my forgiveness, right?

"I know you were upset that night. Only afterwards did I hear that your sister had recently died, and your handmaid had just had a heart attack-- at such a young age, too. Of course, you were disturbed. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. If you apologise, then I'm sure Evelyn wouldn't hold a grudge either. She's too compassionate a person." He smiled at her name, his eyes holding a faraway look.

I closed my eyes. Count to ten, Amethyst. 1, 2, 3... oh forget it. "Are you an idiot? You're the one who needs forgiving! I did nothing wrong. Evelyn is a witch, and you're under her spell. But when I try to tell you, oh no, you yell at me to leave." I took a breath. "Can't you see? Evelyn is evil. She's ruining your kingdom! The peasants are starving, people are disappearing, and right at this moment, groups are planning a rebellion. Shes poisoning your people. And she's poisoning you, Casimir."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I have complete faith and trust in Evelyn. She wouldn't do any of those things, she only does what is right. And the kingdom has flourished in the past few years. You must've seen it yourself."

"YOU'RE WRONG, LIKE YOU ALWAYS ARE!" I screamed and without thinking I shoved him, hard. He took several steps backward to steady himself. I was livid, and at the same time confused. How could he not see it? His kingdom was practically dying. Protestations have become full-blown riots already in the border villages, and they are only getting worse. Soon enough peasants will be trying to overthrow authorities, and it wasn't even their fault since nearly a quarter of them have starved to death after the taxes were raised once again last year. And he said his kingdom was flourishing?