Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

19 Years, Two Months and 22 Days Ago

19 years, two months and 22 days ago:

I knocked on Casimir's door, and, as always, no answer came. 

"Please, let me in," I called. "I know you're there, and I now you're hurting, but you have to be strong. I'm worried about you, I care about you, and I want to help so please let me in."

Still there was no reply, just like every single day before this. 

With a sigh, I was turning to leave, when I heard his low voice. "Come in."

I opened the door tentatively. "Casimir?"

He was sitting on his bed with his back towards me and his head drooping low on his shoulders. I walked towards him, wincing every time I stepped on a creaky floorboard. I sat down on the bed next to him, putting an arm around his waist. Then I saw the tiny bundle in his arms. The demon child was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of everything that has been going on, and I could almost believe that she was just an innocent, pure, human baby. Almost.

"What did you name her?" I whispered.

"Nixiann." He replied. "Nixia means--"

"'Snow' in the Ancient Tongue."

He nodded.

"Nixiann is a sweet name." I murmured. And the demon child is undeserving of such a lovely title. I added in my mind. I can't think of her as anything but 'demon child', because that's what she is. But you don't know that.

"She's a gorgeous baby. I can only imagine what she'll look like when she's older," I suppressed a shudder, imagining the world burning beneath her fingertips. "And she has such fair skin," I said out loud. I heard Evelyn's voice in my mind. Give me a child white as snow... "You should nickname her 'Snow White'."

"Snow White." He whispered, brushing his finger gently to her round cheeks.

I cleared my throat. "Um, Casimir. All the rebel leaders have been rounded up and executed. The rebel volunteers that did not know what they were doing are given a fine and a warning, meaning that they will be executed if they commit another crime of any offence, but my hope is that they can be integrated back to society. The fatality count is 19 guards and 8 aristocrats, and another 32 people are injured. I have ordered the Head tax collector to lower the collection of food from the peasants, and they seem satiated."

Casimir grunted without replying, still tenderly caressing the demon child. I frowned, annoyed, trying to keep my patience.

"Casimir, the kingdom needs a King. They need you. I know it aches, but you have to get up again and come back to us."

For a long while we sat there, the silence like a knife cutting into my heart with each passing moment. I need you. I thought. Why can't you forget Evelyn? Why can't you want me? You've forgotten me. I don't mean anything to you anymore. It's only Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn, you're following her like you're following the North Star, but now that she's disappeared you're lost, you don't know where to go. I'm here, calling out to you, but you can't hear me.

What happened to us?

"Snow White." He gazed at the demon child and whispered again, with so much emotion he must've thought saying it would bring Evelyn back from the dead. "You're all that I have left--"

"You have me!" I burst. "I'm here for you, Casimir, I've always been, even after you ran off with Evelyn. You have me..." I trailed off as he looked away.

I thought that once Evelyn died, her spell would fade, and Casimir would be solely mine again, but his eyes were still blank, blank with no fire, no spark, no love. I grit my teeth. How dare she keep him from me even in death? How dare she take away my happily ever after, again and again? No, I won't let it happen. Time would heal his wounds, it had to, and he'll learn to love me again. I can't give up after everything I've done.

I tried one last time. "We could go back to the way it used to be..."

"I can't, Amethyst. I can't."

Stifling a sob, I ran out of the room. Why? Why does he keep pushing me away? Evelyn is gone. Why couldn't he accept that?

We could go back to the way it used to be...

That was a lie.

It would never be the way it used to be ever again.

When I knocked on his door the next day, he gave no answer, again shutting me out from his world, from his heart.