Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

19 Years, Two Months and 11 Days Ago

19 years, two months and 11 days ago:

The funeral was on a beautiful day, with crystal skies and a slight breeze. How fitting. The day was beautiful, but beautiful was only on the outside, a void, empty thing, and the kingdom was supposed to be mourning the loss of the beautiful queen. The beautiful, void, empty, Queen, just like today.

The entire event passed by in the blur, and I almost couldn't believe it. Evelyn was dead. By the time I've woken up from my daze, there was only Casimir and me left, the crowd had dissipated and the immaculate garden surrounding her tombstone was empty.

"Why?" Casimir whispered to the grave. "Why did you leave me?"

"It's going to be okay, Casimir."

He was shaking his head, and when I looked into his eyes, there was a vulnerability there that I've never seen before. I wrapped my arms around him, letting him cry softly into my hair. And even though I was glad and relieved that Evelyn was dead, I could feel my heart clenching because Casimir was hurting, Casimir was hurting and I couldn't reach him. He was hurting and I hurt with him.

I hurt him.

I wanted Evelyn killed. I helped the rebellion. I hadn't cared who would get hurt, and Casimir is paying for it.

No, I can't think like that. It wasn't my fault Evelyn crossed with me. It wasn't my fault Casimir abandoned me and followed her. My emotions don't matter, they can't matter, I couldn't have left the kingdom to rot in Evelyn's hands.

I only did what I had to.

19 years and 8 days ago:

"Amethyst! Can I talk to you?" I turned around at Casimir's voice, and saw him walking down the hallway towards me. I broke into a smile, then I saw Casimir's grim expression and tired, blank eyes, as if he was only talking to me because he must, and my smile faded.

"Sure," I replied, plastering the smile back onto my face. Once again, he didn't offer his arm, so I followed him into the garden.

We walked among the bushes of roses, with their pristine red standing out like gems in the otherwise green world. 

"Her favourite colour was red." He mumbled, almost to himself. "She loved these roses."

"Who?" Me?

"Evelyn."

I clenched and unclenched my fists. "Casimir, my favourite colour was red, too. I loved these roses, too. You and I would walk among them everyday, and we would dance under the starlight, and you would put a rose in my hair and tell me I was beautiful, remember?"

"Your favourite colour is red, too?"

"Was."

"Huh. I didn't know that."

I took a few seconds to blink the tears away. "You did, Casimir. Don't you remember? In the mornings you would brush my hair and put red ribbons in it. Do you remember when you said red suits me because red is the colour of love?"

"Amethyst, please. It's been six years. I've forgotten, alright? I've forgotten."

I've forgotten. The words hit me like a punch in the gut. He's forgotten. All the sweet memories, all the laughter we shared. They were gone. All gone. He had truly left me, without looking back, and all this time I was the only one holding on. 

"Then why do I remember?" I screamed, "Every single word you've ever said are implanted into my mind, tearing wounds through me every time I revisit them! Tell me, tell me why, Casimir. Why am I the only one who cries in the night thinking of you?"

He just stared at me with those large eyes, shocked and hurt. I immediately regretted my outburst. 

"I'm sorry." I blurted. "It's not your fault." It's Evelyn's.

For a long while we both stood there, motionlessly, silently. Silent. When had I become so acutely aware, so painfully aware of this impenetrable wall of silence that is constantly between us?

"Listen, Amethyst. I--" He closed his mouth, looking down at the grass.

"You can ask me anything." I prompted. 

"Amethyst... Amethyst, I don't know what to do. Now that she's gone, there's this empty hole in my heart. I feel like I can't face the kingdom without her by my side and I need help, Amethyst. I need someone there to help me, because I can't do this on my own. My people need a Queen, and m-my daughter needs a mother. And I need..." And here he stopped, taking ragged breaths as he stared at his shoes. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes to match mine.

"I need you."

My breath hitched at the lump in my throat.

"Will you marry me, Amethyst?"

'I need you', not 'I love you.'

Well, I love you, Casimir, just like I did all those years ago. 

But when I said "yes", it was no longer because of love.