Crestfallen

32: A Friend Date

"Like, a friend date?" I asked hesitantly, looking anywhere but at his face. I let out a low chuckle that sent an odd shiver up my spine.

"No, like an I've-started-to-really-like-you date," he clarified, though I understood what he meant the first time.

"Why?" I asked plainly, finally looking up at him.

"I-I don't really know yet... I know that sounds stupid as fuck and makes it sound like I don't like you... but I swear I do! I just... don't know how to put it into words..." he trailed off awkwardly, staring at the floor. I... sort of understood what he meant.

"It's okay," I said with a small laugh, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind my ear. "Besides, going on one date doesn't mean we're dating, right? So don't sweat it." He nodded but his expression didn't seem very happy. I was about to say something else, but then my phone rang in my pocket and I jumped back a little bit. Giving him an apologetic look, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and answered it.

"Caseyyyyyy," my father cooed through the phone. My frown deepened. "Where'd you go? Your mother was here yesterday... or maybe today... I'm not really sure... were you here for that?" He's totally shitfaced. I heaved a deep sigh.

"I'll be home in a few minutes," I muttered, shutting my phone before saying goodbye.

"You have a flip phone?" Jeremy asked with a small smirk on his face. My mood was pretty sour at the moment and I wasn't in the mood to indulge him.

"Yep. Anyway, I'll see you at school tomorrow," I said before turning towards the door, pausing when I saw that my hoodie was still taped to the wall. "Can I ever have that back?"

I looked back to see him shrug. Rolling my eyes, I shut the door behind me and started walking home.

---------

Of course, when I got there, my father was passed out on the couch. Though I had been in a sour mood when I had left Jeremy's house, it had only gotten worse with my thoughts on the way home. Why is he suddenly interested in me? Is it that bet I keep hearing everyone talking about? And why is my mother such a bitch? Will Liam follow-up with his idea to help me talk to my sister? Will Liam even talk to me?

Yeah. Suffice to say, now that my concussion was essentially healed and I could think straight, I was seething.

Filling a cup with water, I returned to the couch and threw it on his face. Taking a seat on the table in front of him, I watched him jerk awake, only to quickly return to his groggy state. "Hey, Casey! What was that for?" he asked confusedly.

"For being a deadbeat dad! You're forty-years-old and you're drinking yourself to shit in front of your daughter! Have you no shame? Trust me, I understand mourning. I understand sadness, but you knew a time before you met my mother. For my entire life, she's been here!" All of my pent-up feelings were rushing out of me as if I was the drunk one. "I know it's hard. It's hard for me too!"

"But you never even seem bothered..." my dad said in what probably should've been an angry tone but it sounded more defeated than anything.

"Because I haven't had the fucking chance!" I exclaimed, standing up in anger. "She's been gone nearly two years and I haven't had a damn second to process it because I'm always trying to take care of you! Searching bars, picking up drunk phone calls at 3:00 AM, constantly worrying about you! Between all that, when would I have time to mourn for departure? We only have a month's savings left from your retirement fund. Do you even understand what that means? That means we have no money, you have no job, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to retire until you're eighty!" My breath heaved and I struggled to control my temper and my breathing patterns. I had shut my eyes mid-rant and I finally had the strength to open them, only to find tears sliding down my dad's face. Ah, shit.

Realistically, I see him cry regularly. He's constantly sobbing over my mother, but I had never been the one to make him cry. I was preparing myself to apologize when he finally spoke up. "You're right. And the worst part is, I never really talked to you about it. You just always seemed so calm and collected, as if it didn't even bother you... I didn't know how to talk to you and it felt like I was losing all three of you at once--" he hiccuped "--and it just hurt so bad, I didn't know what to do. But, Casey, you're right. I have to get my shit together. I can't promise it'll happen right away but I'll try my best. I promise."

Slowly, he stood up despite being a little wobbly. He gently reached his hand out to my cheek and I leaned into it softly with a small smile. I hadn't realized it, but I had also felt as if I had lost my father. "I'm so sorry, Casey." He pulled me into a big hug and started sobbing into my shoulder. To my surprise, I started crying too.

Finally, when he pulled away, I got a whiff of the alcohol on his breath. He better remember this later.

"You should get some sleep. You've got a whole new life to wake up to," I told him with a small smile. He nodded and gave me one more quick hug before waddling to his bedroom. With a big sigh, I fell back onto the couch and shut my eyes.