Dulce Secretum

06

Chapter 06

If the world was filled with darkness, will you believe that there are still people who can be the light?

I've always believed that there is always good in many people. No matter how angry they are, how cruel they can be, how unbearable life is because of them, still, there is still kindness within them.

"Ano pa ang gusto niyo? Pili lang kayo," ani Papa, ang isang ngiti ay nasa kaniyang labi. Isang bagay na kay tagal ko ng hindi nakita.

It was a sight to see. My father smiling, my two sisters in between racks, looking for clothes, and my mother holding my hand as we choose headbands to buy.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isipan ni Papa para mang aya na pumunta sa mall. Hindi kami madalas pumunta sa mall para bumili ng damit dahil mahal dito, bukod doon, naririyan naman si Tita Nina, ngunit sa araw na ito nag iba ang isip ni Papa.

Sanay na ako sa madalas na pag alis at biglang pag balik ni Papa ngunit nag sisinungaling ako kung hindi ko sasabihin na hindi pa 'rin ako nagugulat o nasasaktan sa tuwing umaalis at bumabalik si Papa.

Tulad ngayon, bumalik na naman siya at hindi ko alam kung malulungkot ba ako o masisiyahan.

There are days where I hoped he was gone. I just want him to be away from me—to be away from my family. But when he does leave, it feels like my heart is being pierced by a sharp knife repeatedly with no mercy. It feels like dying alone without a family to say goodbye to. It's like watching your parents grow old from afar. It feels like bearing all the pain in the world. But at the same time, when he's around I just wish he wasn't so angry. I just wish that he would be the same mine who taught me how to cook lomi.

I hope and wish for a lot of things but one that I hope the most is for my father to change, and perhaps, this is it.

"Mahilig ka dito, 'di ba, Jaja?" ani Papa sabay pakita ng pulang headband na may maliliit na bulaklak na nakapaligid dito.

"Hmm," I muttered in response.

"Bagay 'to sa'yo. Kunin mo na," anito at binigay sa'kin ang headband bago nag lakad patungo sa direksiyon ni Ate Ela at Ate Rose.

Kunot noo akong napatingin sa direksiyon ni Mama ngunit ang kaniyang mga mata ay nakatitig sa isang dilaw na pink spaghetti-strap na bestida. Napatingin si Mama sa aking direksiyon at ipinakita ang bestida sa'kin.

"Bagay 'to sa'yo, anak." Mama grinned at me. "Sukatin natin."

Tinanguan ko lang si Mama at sabay na kami pumasok sa loob ng dressing room ngunit bago kami tuluyan na makapasok napasulyap ako kay Papa na tahimik na nag mamasid sa kabuoan ng boutique. Napansin ko ang pagtitingin ng mga tao sa direksiyon ni Papa, hindi na 'yon nakakagulat dahil sa tangkad katakot-takot na awra. Si Papa ang tipong tao na pag nakita mo mamimistula mong magnanakaw.

His lips were tight-lipped as his hawk eyes lingered on the place, leaving each eye he had locked with frightened. The fact that he had a muscular built as well as tattoos didn't help either. He has a tattoo on his shoulder of a sun, a hawk, clouds, and snakes that I couldn't quite understand. It was somehow similar to a tribal tattoo but only with those tattoos. He has a tattoo of roses, leaves, and a cross on his forearm too but the most memorable to me was his tattoo of Mama's name on his chest.

I bitterly scoffed at that.

It seems like that tattoo is just for show.

Napatingin si Papa sa aming direksiyon. Bahagya siyang kumaway kung kaya't naiilang kong binalik ang kaniyang kaway at tuluyan nang pumasok sa dressing room. Habang sinusukat ko ang aking damit hindi ko mapigilan ang pag lipad ng aking isipan.