Dulce Secretum

07

Chapter 07

Kung kumportable ka na sa isang bagay, bakit kailangan pang mawala ito? Kung masaya ka na sa kinaroroonan mo, bakit kailangan mo pang umalis? Kung nasanay ka na sa dating takbo ng buhay, bakit kailangan pa nitong mag bago?

Ilang buwan na mula nang tuluyan ng tapusin ni Alice ang aming pagkakaibigan. Masakit sa una, ngunit nang tumagal natanto ko na mas naging masaya ako nang mawala na si Alice sa buhay ko. It may be lonely in the classroom sometimes, but surprisingly, the of presence new frieds made it feel much better.

I never liked change, fights, or confrontations. But it seemed like it was all I had when I was still friends with Alice. Kada araw, may panibagong insulto na nakatago sa biro mula kay Alice at may bagong mga kaklase na magtitinginan sa tuwing dadaan ako. Still, I never had the courage to tell Alice how I felt... or to Hera... and especially to Anie.

Kailan man, ayokong makasakit ng tao o magsimula ng away kung kaya't hindi ko masabi sabi kay Alice na nasasaktan ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Hindi ko rin masabi sabi kay Anie na hindi ko na kakayanin pa na mag sama pa kami ni Alice.

I thought avoiding telling my problems to my friends would just lessen their pain... or my pain. Or it would lessen complications. Truth it, it just adds, and I learned that from my experience with Alice. Sadly, it's the same with Julio.

"Hindi sumama si Julio?"

Kinuha ni Toni ang dala dalang chips niya mula sa kaniyang bag at binigay ito sa'kin, ang kaniyang noo'y kunot tila ba may nasabi ako.

"Hindi mo alam?"

Umiling ako. Nagkatinginan si Toni at Rad dahil sa aking reaksyon.

"Baka nakalimutan kang sabihan ni Arsi," Rad guessed. "Hindi mo alam na hindi siya sasama?"

"Hindi... Bakit, saan ba siya pumunta?"

"Manila," sagot ni Toni.

He went to Manila and I didn't even know?

Julio isn't the type to just leave without notice. I really did mess up.

Naririto kami sa loob ng kotse ni Rad at Toni patungo sa Vista Valle. Nakailang beses na kaming pumupunta rito na libre lagi ni Julio o kaya naman ni Toni. Gustuhin ko man na librehin rin sila ngunit wala akong pera. Pero hindi 'yan ang prinoproblema ko kundi si Julio.

Hindi ko sinasadya na pag sabihan ng ganoon si Julio. I was just also tired from all of my own problems at home, but that isn't an excuse to inflict pain on others... especially to my friends.

Julio has been nothing but kind to me, and to think that he went home that day feeling as if none of his goodwill was appreciated hurts me the most. I received his warmth, yet in return, I offered a chill as icy as winter's snow.

To: Julio
Hi. I'm sorry for what happened. Pwede mag usap tayo pag nakabalik ka na?

Ilang linggo na mula nang pinadala ko ang mensahe na 'yon ngunit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin sumasagot si Julio. I'm just hoping that he reads it, at least. I'm ok now with losing friends, just not him or anyone who has ever been genuine to me.

Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, I hope he knows that my affection for him as his friend goes beyond the words I threw at him out of my own misery.

"Jaja, ang sabi ko 'wag kang magbabasa sa dilim," muling paalala ni Mama nang madatnan niya akong nakahiga habang nag babasa sa loob ng kwarto.

Mama flicked on the lights, causing me to squint against the sudden brightness, and my gaze quickly shifted to her, clutching a basket brimming with freshly washed clothes.