Isolation (BTS x reader)

39| Funeral

Y/n POV

The pale women with golden locks show me several black dresses, but they each seem as if I were going to a club. Irritation fills me, but I know blowing up will only be worse so instead I let them fumble with my hair and decide my clothes.

A young one who continues to give me dirty looks yanks my hair while brushing it, "You know what?" I pull my hair from her scrawny hands, "I'll finish this myself, thank you."

The older one frowns, but doesn't argue with me like I suspected her to. Once they all leave, I glance at the dresses sprawled on the bed that I've been sleeping in for the past week. I settle on a simple black dress that reaches above my knees with a matching collar. I rub my curly hair and star at myself in the large full length mirror.

This was the first time this week that I was finally alone, not that I didn't mind everyone's concern. I felt suffocated from the support, all the boys constantly checking on me and trying to make me feel better. I wasn't able to properly grieve because they were afraid what I would do if I was alone, but the trust is I wouldn't do anything. I just wanted to think about things, but the boys didn't let me. But as tired they made me feel, I finally felt like someone cared for me for the first time in months. In some ways I guess I really did need them.

I inhale, thinking of having to face people who knew my mom. A knock on the door startles me, but I don't hesitate to open it. Namjoon is standing in the doorway, looking perished, but indeed very handsome. He offers an arm for me and I gladly take it, Namjoon who the most knew to keep his distance during this time felt like a breath of fresh air honestly.

"You don't need to go if you don't feel comfortable, Y/n." he says looking down at me, but I shake my head, "I have to. She's my mom and I need to apologize." He nods.

Yoongi who I have only seen when he picked me up turns when he sees me. My stomach flips, I feel as if I did something wrong, but I'm not sure what. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with death as most of the boys were since many lost their parents from a young age. I only really knew Jimin's life and some of Taehyung's, which in some ways bothered me that they all knew so much about me, but I knew near to none.

"You look lovely Y/n." Jimin says, stepping towards me. His smile feels sad, but I return the compliment.

Without much longer a driver is waiting for us in the front and Namjoon helps me into the large car. I sit next to the window, Namjoon beside me and Hoseok in front of me.

I watch out the window looking at the dark trees, as if the droopy weather was intentional for the day of my mother's funeral. My mother loved these days because it would mean we could stay inside all day and watch bad Hallmark movies while eating homemade cookies. She was never one who liked the outdoors so when she had an excuse to stay in and spend time with me, she gladly took it.

Hobi must've seen my face saddening because he reaches over and holds my hands. Out of all of the boys, Hobi was the one who found a way to make me smile with his and never stopped to hug me the moment I looked like I needed it.

We finally start to pull into a funeral home and it's relatively big. I feel sick, but I swallow my own saliva to push the feeling away.

"The minute you don't want to be there, just let us know." Namjoon whispers to me. The boys' over protection of me wasn't as clear as it could be than now because every step I made, one of the boys would check on me whether it was with their words or their arms.

I let Namjoon enter first, knowing I was still afraid. A woman is speaking to a man in front of the sign that shows my mother's name indicating it was her wake. I pause and wait for the woman to greet us and her face softens indefinitely when she sees me, "Oh, Y/n. How have you been, dear? I can't imagine how difficult this all has been." She says, reaching her hands to cup mine. She looked older than my mom was, but had the same kind smile as her.

"Thank you so much for hosting this for my mother, I know she would have been so grateful. I hope it wasn't too much of a trouble for you, I should've hosted this sparing you from the stress, but-" I start looking into her dark hazel eyes.

"No worries dear. No one can expect you to worry about this. Wow," She stands back and focuses on my face, "I haven't seen you since you were a child. Oh, how have you've grown so much Y/n."

I smile, ignoring the fact that I can't remember her name nor relationship to my mom. She goes on talking about how my mom was so important to so many people, but my eyes wander to the casket. "Thank you so much again, I think I'm going to go see her." I say and he nods quickly.

"Go ahead, take your time."

I walk over, the stares of strangers stuck on me or the 7 men behind me who clearly look out of place. I pause when I'm 5 feet from the casket, afraid to see her face. I imagine the last time I saw her, disappointment and disgust. I see Yoongi stand beside me, not saying anything.

"I'm scared." I whisper and he grabs onto my hand, "It's okay."

I look over to him and he continues, "When I was young my mom suffered from cancer. My dad was gone from the get-go so I never met him, so I took care of her. When she got really sick and I knew what would happen I got scared. After she passed, my aunt took me to the funeral, but as soon as I saw her body in the coffin I ran away. They didn't bother to look for me, I was too much of a burden I think. I ended up living under a bridge, fending for myself. Namjoon would play with me down there and feed me some food he would steal. I'm older than him, but I looked like a toddle compared to him because I was dying." I don't realize that my hand is squeezing his, but his eyes stare at our hands.

"Please don't be afraid like me, I was a coward. I am a coward." He says and I suddenly have the courage to walk to my mother.

I lean over the body and stare at her pale skin, I've never her seen her look so different. She was practically bones and I cringe, why wasn't I there?

After moments of holding her dead hand, I finally let go and go to greet more people who knew my mother when I see a familiar silhouette, Jennie. I breathe in, trying my best to keep calm while I walk to her.

"What are you doing here?" I ask and she swings her dyed hair in my face, "I'm here to pay respects to your mother."

"I don't want you here, please leave." I say sternly and she scrunches her face up.

"Okay, but I'm sure your mother would've wanted me here, she loved me, Y/n." she argues, but I stand my ground.

"If she knew what you said to me, she wouldn't want the kind of person you are to be here." I say raising my voice, gaining the attention of the boys who watch with worried eyes.

"I think she'd much rather have me here than you based on what your last conversation with her consisted of." She spats back and everything I was holding back goes into the slap I use against her face.

The sound of my hand hitting her face silences the room and now everyone's eyes are shot to the scene I was causing. Jennie touches her left cheek that was now turning a bright shade of red, mouth gaping open.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She shouts and suddenly I feel weak and ashamed. Why did I do that? I wasn't a violent person and especially somewhere where I was grieving along with others her.

I turn and look around, people staring at me as if I was disgusting. Their faces all held the same look as my mother did the last time I saw her alive. I pull my hand to my chest and step back, realizing my actions.

"I-" I start, but Jennie begins crying. The woman who comforted me at the front rushes to her side and begins checking her face for "damage".

My body begins shaking as I see the face around me glare at me as if I were an evil villain. I turn to the boys who also look stunned, but their reactions were calmer and didn't consist of disgust as the others did.

"I need to leave," I whisper and Hoseok is already guiding me to the door with his arms around my shoulders.

I feel tears burning the corners of my eyes as the boys behind me is leaving their blessing in the room and thanking them for having us. I bite my tongue to hold back my emotions and it works, allowing Hobi to hug me outside of the car, "It's okay, you're okay. It'll be okay, Y/n. I've got you now, we all do." He says hugging my small body compared to his.

"I'm sorry." I apologize, for a reason I'm not sure of.

"It'll be okay, Y/n." He repeats and safety fills my fearful body.