My Safe Place

Chapter 10

Adelyn

"This is pretty." Renee smiles pulling a black flowy dress from the rack. "Yeah, try it on." I smile. She looks for her size before rushing off towards the change room.

"I wish I had a younger sister." Isabelle sighs walking over to me. "Thomas not liking your ideas?" I chuckle. "You'd think he'd be grateful to have a cool older sister to help pick his graduation outfit but no. He thinks my ideas are out of style." Isabelle says dramatically crossing her arms.

"I have an older brother, a younger sister and a younger brother, let me just say sisters are elite." I tell Isabelle as I continue searching through the racks.

"Hey Thomas, do like this?" Renee as in her little black dress. Thomas smiles and feels the fabric at the bottom of her dress. "Yeah, it's cute." Thomas replies with a smile.

"Oh my god, no." I gag turning my attention away from them. "Ew ew ew. I wish I could go over there and teach him how to flirt." Isabelle gags.

"Like my dress?" Renee smiles walking over to us. I examine the length of it. "Well, Renee this would make a great after graduation party dress... maybe not to graduation. It's a family event." I say honestly.

Renee laughs slightly. "Ok, I'll keep looking."

I nod agreeing as she rushes off.

"See? Sisters are elite. They actually take you advice." I smile to Isabelle. "At what point did I ask for you to shove it in my face?" Isabelle sighs.

\\

I reach for the phone. "Hey Dad." I say into it.

"Hi Adelyn." Dad says on the other side of the glass.

"I spent the day shopping with Renee." I say. "She's turning into an amazing woman, I hope one day she'll come see you."

My Dad looks away. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"I'm sick of it." He groans moving forward.

I flinch.

"See. You can't keep coming here and pretending everything's ok!" He whisper yells.

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I can't just leave you. You have no one else- and- and that's the worse feeling in the world."

"The difference is that I deserve to feel that pain and loneliness, Adelyn. You never deserved any of that." He says.

"It's different now." I respond.

"How? How is it any different?" Dad exclaims.

"Because!" I begin to yell. "He's the only one! He's the only one."

"What?"

"He's the only one I can talk to about this! He's the only one that knows!" I exclaim.

"Adelyn. Knows what?" He asks.

I swallow the lump in my throat as the tears begin to pour. "I tried to kill myself." I whisper.

At this moment it looked like the life was sucked out of my father.

"He helped me, but I hurt myself for a long time after that." I whisper. "I was broken and all I had was him. He put me back together."

\\

Swallowing down the tequila, I stand up from the ground. I wobble my way into Isabelle's room.

"I know it's in here somewhere." I stutter searching Isabelle's beside drawer. "Condoms. Gross." I mutter after finally finding it.

It's an emergency contact card, she keeps a heap of them in random places. In her car, her purse, stuck to her phone. Kinda smart really.

It has her parents number, my number and now Ethan's number.

I take two huge sips before dialing the number into my phone. I skull the rest of the bottle. "That was good."

I search through the fridge for the vodka. "Found it!" I laugh. "Oh right, the phone." I mutter and walk over to it.

I grab it and hold it to my ear. "Hello? Is there anybody there?"

I laugh. "It's me silly. I have to talk-talk to you about something."

I sit down on the floor.

"Adelyn? Is that you? Are you ok?" He asks frantically.

I swallow some vodka. At this point it taste like water. "Yes, it is Adelyn Rose Daniels here."

"Are you drunk?" Ethan sighs.

"I saw my Dad today." I swallow the lump in my throat.

Ethan stays quiet for a moment. "Are you ok? Did something happen?"

"It just brought back some memories. I just wanted to say- I'm sorry I tried to kill myself."

"Adelyn." He breathes out.

"I tried to kill myself and afterwards I use to hurt myself. You would always be the one to clean me afterwards and I'm sorry you had to do that."

"Where are you, Adelyn?"

"I'm sorry that I would promise you I wouldn't hurt myself- then I would. I'm sorry that after a while I expected you to be there to clean me up."

"Adelyn." He says softly. "Stay on the phone with me, ok?"

"I'm sorry, Ethan. I'm sorry I ruined your junior and senior year. You deserved better then some messed up teenage girl." I breathe out and have another drink.

"I know, I shouldn't have tried to kill myself. But my Dad was a really shitty person. I hated him for so long. After you and me left each other I felt so alone. No one knew everything I had been through. I started to feel bad for my Dad that he was alone too. That's why I started seeing him. In the beginning I barely saw him. We would talk about my new life I had built for myself. He would listen. I could never look into his eyes though. Otherwise I'd go back to that place. But after a while I learned how to look anywhere but his eyes. Until today, he told me he doesn't want me seeing him. He said he deserves to feel pain and be alone. But I know how it feels to be alone and let me just say I hate it." I ramble.

Tears begin to water in my eye. "Are you still there, Ethan?" I ask.

"I'm still here." He reassures me.

"When I realised that we'd be back in each other lives again, I was scared. But now I'm scared that you're going to leave me again." I say and chug some more vodka. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I'm sorry I'm not like Isabelle."

"Adelyn."

"I know that Isabelle is perfect. I've always wanted to live her life. Her parents are still together and she's always so happy. She's so beautiful and smart. I understand why you would want to be her boyfriend. I don't hold it against you, Ethan." I ramble.

A few tears fall from my eyes. "I'm sorry that I wasn't more like her, Ethan. Instead you had some messed up, depressed and traumatised, ugly girl. I wish I could have been more for you."

"Ethan?" I call.

The front door suddenly opens. I flinch scared. "Oh my god." I mutter.

I throw the vodka bottle and it smashes. I hear footprints as tears fall from my eyes. The call with Ethan ends and suddenly I look up to see him.

I immediately break down and he pulls me into him. "I'm so sorry, Ethan." I sob.

"Don't apologise, Adelyn. You were everything to me." Ethan whispers and kiss the top of my head.

"I wasn't enough."