My Safe Place

Chapter 11

Adelyn

The sun beams in through my drapes. As soon as I open my eyes I feel the pain in my head grow.

When I process the pain in my head I quickly sit up in my bed as memories of last night flash through my head. I look around my room and spot Ethan sitting up against my door.

"You alright?" Ethan mutters.

His eyes are red and bloodshot. "Oh my god." I whisper.

I can't believe I called him last night.

I was suppose to not talk to him and now here he is, here! And it's my fault.

My head spins and suddenly I feel it.

I gag.

I quickly push the blankets off of me and run towards my bathroom. I just make it to the toilet before the vomiting starts.

At least three seconds pass before my hair is being held back.

As I continue to throw up my mind drifts off to memories of the past.

Sometime over three years ago

"It's ok, get it out." Ethan says rubbing my back.

"This is so gross." I mutter before more vomit leaves my mouth.

I continue to lean over the toilet for a few more seconds before I move away. I sit down on my bathroom floor, leaning my back against the wall.

Ethan passes me a cup of water.

"Do you just have a stomach bug or something?" He asks sitting across from me.

I decide not to make eye contact.

"Adelyn?"

"No, it's not a stomach bug." I say barely above a whisper. I continue to stare at the ground.

"How do you know?" Ethan asks intrigued.

I decide to look up at him, and face my problems head on.

"Because I'm pregnant, Ethan."

Back to present day

Once I've emptied my stomach I sit back on the ground.

"Boy does this bring up some memories." I whisper.

Ethan sighs. "Do you ever wish we did things differently?" He asks curiously sitting across from me.

I answer honestly. "No, I think if we did- ultimately we would have regretted it. However, I'd be lying if I said sometimes I don't think about what we would be doing right now, if we made a different choice."

Ethan nods agreeing.

"You probably wouldn't be with Izzy right now, if we made a difference choice." I breathe out.

Ethan looks away from me.

A few awkward seconds pass before Ethan stands up. "Adelyn, Isabelle is great- but she's not you." He says before walking out of my bathroom.

He leaves me stunned.

//

"You and Ethan having these type of conversations- is this maybe closure?" Carol asks writing a few things down.

"Closure?" I question.

"Something official- so you can both move on and live seperate lives. Something you two didn't get when you parted ways in high school." Carol says.

"I know what closure is." I say. "Ethan is not giving me closure. He told me that Isabelle is great, but she's not me. Why the hell would he say that? That's his girlfriend! That's my best friend!" I ramble.

Carol writes a few things down. "When he told you that- how did it make you feel?"

"I don't know." I groan laying my head back.

"Adelyn." Carol warns knowing we've been down this path.

"It made my heart skip a beat- flutter, if you will. He is the only guy in the world that can make my knees go weak."

I realise what I said and sigh. I close my eyes. "I know, I'm a horrible person. Ethan has a girlfriend, who is my best friend for god sake! If Isabelle knew about Ethan and I- it would break her heart."

"You're not a horrible person, Adelyn. You have feelings, and unfortunately for you- you have to realise you can't control them." Carol says. "Every time you and Ethan are alone- remember Isabelle. Remember how she would feel."

"I know I've tried that- I forget about Isabelle whenever I'm with him." I say.

Carol nods. "Let's try and think of an ultimatum."

"There's a part of mine and Ethan's story that you're missing." I say softly.

Carol frowns. "What do you mean? Something you did tell me?"

I nod and sit up. "I feel like a part of me has always been ashamed. I've never wanted to tell anyone, but I feel like a reason why Ethan and I are so close is because we went through something so big together."

Flashback

"We can't raise a baby, Adelyn!" Ethan yells. I push him backwards. "It's not just my fault!" I yell.

"Don't you think I know that?" Ethan exclaims. "Then don't yell at me!" I yell back as angry tears stream from my eyes.

"God." Ethan groans turning around.

I quickly wipe my eyes.

It's two am, while most teenagers are sleeping- Ethan and I are yelling at each other in the middle of the park.

I sit down on the grass and let Ethan calm down.

"Ethan." I breathe out.

"What?" He practically spits.

When he turns around to look at me, his jaw and fist unclench. I look away from him. Ethan sighs and sits beside me.

"We could run away. Move to Miami, I know how much you love it there. Just be you, me and fetus." I say laying back and looking up at the sky.

"It's not that simple." Ethan whispers.

"I know, sometimes I wish it could be." I say honestly.

"Adelyn, we can't-"

"I know, Ethan." I say before he can finish his sentence.

"I have an appointment for an abortion." I say so quietly I wonder if he can even hear me.

It's obvious he did when he looks at me with such a soft expression.

Present day

"So you went through with the abortion?" Carol asks sympathetically. "Yes." I answer not making eye contact.

"Adelyn, that's a big part of your life. How long before graduation was this?" Carol asks.

"Around a month maybe longer." I shrug looking at the ground. "Do you regret your decision? Is that why you're having a hard time telling me about it?" Carol asks.

"I regret ever getting pregnant. I shouldn't have gotten pregnant. I should have made smarter choices. I never wanted to get the abortion, but I had to because I couldn't raise a baby and neither could Ethan. A child shouldn't grow up with toxic parents that weren't ready to be- parents." I sigh. "The hardest thing I ever did was get that abortion knowing my baby had a heartbeat and was starting to develop bones." I choke back tears.

"Adelyn. This could be why you hold on to Ethan so tightly. You went through a traumatic experience together." Carol says.

"Ethan didn't come to my appointment." I breathe out. "He was suppose to but he never showed up."

"For the next week while I was bleeding he was out partying. Only for him to finally meet me at the stupid park where we both broke down." I reply.