She had lived a life that wasn't her own. Every decision was made for her. At the end of the day though, she was still the one with the blood on her hands. To have the weight of abuse on your back is miserable. Especially when you're falling in love...
Dr. Azure gives us a ride to Yanis's place. Yanis doesn't even look at me the entire time. I'm sure Dr. Azur is aware of the tension between us. After Dr. Azur drops us off I'll probably just go back home. I'd rather contend with my mother than continue to disappoint Yanis. This entire thing really is unfair on her. She could have had anyone, but she got stuck with me. As much as the idea pains me I really hope she can find someone else to make her happy.
She's lucky to be human. Humans fall in and out of love as easily as breathing. With her being human and us not being very far along the bond is probably pretty weak on her end. Her feelings towards me were probably about like that of a strong crush.
I, however, will probably never recover from this. I realized after today that I'm too far gone to ever move on. I was fully willing to die for her when I saw her threatened. I wonder if I'll be as feral as Will. I suppose Will was always the violent type though. Maybe being alone just brings out the worst in you. So I guess that I'd be even more weak. Maybe I'll wind up as the new omega.
I was never sure what I'd do with my future anyways. I always thought that'd I'd do what my mom wanted and find some rich powerful man to be with. I was never particularly happy with that track in life anyways. I only ever chased that to avoid a beating.
I think the only thing I've ever been all that interested in was the sky. I remember before dad left he used to take me out to look at the stars every night he could. He even named me after the brightest star in my charts constellation, Castor. He used to teach me every constellation and all of their stories. I suppose I can't do much with that though.
The car screeches to a stop too soon. Dr. Azur has stopped in front of Yanis's place. The familiar blue shutters seem so foreboding today. Yanis jumps out of the car without a glance in my direction.
Dr. Azur turns in her seat to look at me, "I don't know what you did to make her so mad, but please don't do the self destructive thing I know you're thinking of doing and actually fix things with her". I nod because I don't have the guts to actually speak the lie to her.
I step out of the car and she drives off. Yanis is already at her door unlocking it. This is probably as good a time as ever to go. I start walking in the direction of home. I wish I brought my bike.
"Where are you going?", calls Yanis. I look over my shoulder to see her standing at her now open door with arms crossed over her chest.
"I was just heading home", I call back and turn back to the road taking a couple more steps.
"What you hate the gays so much that you'd rather go back to whoever gave you all those burns then spend a night at my place?", she asks, "I was going to try and kiss you again if that's what you were worried about".
I sigh at her, "I think we both know that it's best if I'm not around".
" No we don't", I hear her coming towards me, "why won't you tell me what's going on". I feel her hand land on my shoulder and I can't help flinching.
I turn around to look at her. I'd expected to see a stoic impassive face looking back at me but, that's not what I find. Her eyes glimmer with unshed tears. her face looks as heartbroken as she did last night.
"Please don't cry", my voice sounds small even to me. I want to comfort her but, I don't feel I have the right to.
"How can you even pretend to care about how I feel", she asks, "you refuse to tell me who you are to me, then you reject me, you show up the next day looking like hell, and then you try to fight a maniac for me? What am I meant to think or feel about any of this".
"I didn't reject you", I say.
"What are you talking about?", she asks incredulously.
"Listen, I'm no good okay" I tell her, "if you leave now you could do so much better. There's a way you can leave and never have to feel anything for me again". She stares at me searching my face for I'm not sure what.
"You want to get rid of me that bad?" she asks.
"I want you to be happy".
"How do you know what would make me happy?", she asks, "Why can't you give this a chance?". She rests her forehead against mine. She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths.
"Can we just go inside and talk about things?", she asks, "I'll make tea".
"Okay".
She leads me by the hand into her house. She's unpacked a bit more since I was last here She put up shelves and lined them with books and knickknacks. The space is practically over flowing with plants. The room even smells more homey, almost like cloves.
She sits me on her couch. It now has an afghan draped over it. It's so nice in here. She goes into her kitchen presumably to make the tea. I hug myself finally feeling safe.
She comes back with the tea and sits beside me. She hands me a mug and I take it graciously.
"Can you tell me what's going on?" she asks. I nod and take a sip of my tea.
"Have you heard about Hope and what happened to her?", I ask.
She nods, "I've heard her name around but, I don't know anything about her".
I sigh, "She was an omega here, they're like slaves, then one day the Alpha found out she was his mate".
"Wait wasn't the Alpha that crazy guy from earlier?", she asks.
"Yes she left him and everyone says it's my fault", I tell her, "my mother wanted me to wind up with him and I acted terribly. The Alpha wanted to punish me for my behavior and what he did scared her so much that it pushed into leaving". I don't look at her. I know she must be judging me too.
"The worst part is she was so great that she even wound up doing something she wasn't ready for and didn't want just to help me", I tell her.
"Everyone hates me now and my mom has been pushing me even harder to find some rich guy to make her life easier", I sigh, "she gave me the burns for having a mate that wasn't a rich man".
I stare blankly into the steam rolling off my mug. I know I glossed over things but, to go into detail would be too hard.
"Do you have anywhere else to go?", she asks. I shrug.
"You can stay here if you like", she says. I turn to look at her.
"I'm still mad at you but, I don't want you getting hurt over me".
"I don't want to impose".
"You wouldn't be, we can figure things out".
"Maybe".
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